10 Things You Must Know Before Moving to Benin City (My Life After 3 Midnight Stops at Nkwo Market)

originally i came for the papaya smoothies at koko town, stayed for the electricity that works like a jealous ex - sometimes here, sometimes gone. benin city doesn’t care if you’re prepared. it just wants to know if you’ll dance when the drum hits.

the city’s population? 1.5 million. the number of people who’ll tell you ‘it’s safe here’ while checking their pockets? 83%. according to the 2023 nigeria bureau of statistics, benin city’s violent crime rate is 24% lower than lagos but 12% higher than abuja. so yeah. keep your phone in your front pocket. and your wallet where you can see it.

rent? don’t ask for ‘affordable.’ ask for ‘not being robbed by a landlord who says he’s your cousin.’ a one-bedroom in utako runs ₦600k/year. in oGbonna? ₦350k if you don’t blink during the walk-through. and bring your own generator. power outages hit 14-18 hours/week in the dry season.

overheard at the Akenzua street side barbecue:
>‘you think that’s bad? wait till you see the gutter floods during july. my laptop lived in a plastic bin under the bed for three weeks.’ - ade, local tech guy

>‘somebody stole my yam last week. not the whole tuber - just the sweet spot. i cried. that was my emotional support tuber.’ - nneka, market mama

the weather? hot like your ex’s apology text - humid, clingy, and always arrives when you’re not ready. right now? 31°C, 81% humidity, the air tastes like fried plantain and regret. the morning breeze rolls in at 5:30am like a forgotten alarm clock. cool enough to make you forget you’re sweating.

1. the bus called ‘navy pera’ will take you anywhere, but if the driver says ‘we’re waiting for one more,’ go find another. it’s code for ‘i’m about to buy weed.’

2. you can buy original benin bronzes at nkwo market. the ones that look too perfect? probably fake. those crumbly and dusty ones? a million stories and 300-year-old history. most sellers don’t know. just say ‘d’e bo wn ara?’ (‘is it from the 17th?’) and watch their eyes flicker.

3. people here don’t say ‘hello.’ they say ‘how you dey?’ if you reply ‘fine,’ they’ll hand you a palm wine and take your number. it’s ritual.

4. there’s a secret pool at mongunogbe you’ll find by accident. it’s surrounded by graffiti that looks like tribal runes but is actually just someone’s lost Instagram hashtag. more here

5. the hospital on anenMother Road? don’t go unless it’s an emergency. they have the best malaria meds, but the waiting room smells like fish and unfinished prayers.

6. coffee? forget starbucks. try *sadura coffee* near the university. it’s bitter, black, and served in a paper cup that’s already stained from someone else’s grief. locals review it here

7. the internet? run by someone who still believes 1mbps is ‘fast.’ if you work remotely, get a starlink. or move to uyo for three months. airy and cheaper.

8. festival time is september. ekpeye. the drums start at 6am. you either dance or cry. most people do both.

9. no one walks alone at night. even the hotel security guards say ‘east gate after 9? no.’

10. there’s a street artist near the old water works who paints ancestral faces on broken mirrors. he won’t sell. says they’re ‘not for sale, only for memory.’ saw him once with a golden eye patch. didn’t ask why.

if you want to feel something real - the kind that leaves a mark on your soul and your shoes - come here. i didn’t come for culture. i came to escape. stayed because benin city never lets you pretend you’re okay.

subreddit thread where locals debate goat vs chicken stew | this is the real price of a 2bedroom (photo evidence) | a weird 1970s archival film of the old royal court

last thought: you won’t find zen here. you’ll find rhythm - the kind that makes your heartbeat match the agogo drum. and that? that’s better.

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