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Alexandria Survival Guide: How to Swallow Sand Without Choking on It

@Adam Wright2/7/2026blog

(coughs) hey, so picture this: *El-Max at 4 PM, right? you’re sweating like a sinner in church, your flip-flops are full of pigeon spit, and some dude in azaab shirt is staring at your water bottle like it’s the last gum arabic plantation. welcome to alexandria, kuzuki. where the humidity’s thicker than traffic dodging in mohamed nagieb street, and ‘local vibes’ basically mean ‘don’t look too fancy.’ let me break it down.

first off, the weather here? imagine zakreet el-ma but if the neighbourhood cats started sweating into it. humid as my forehead after a 5-minute chat with an uber driver who thinks ‘netflix and chill’ means ‘salah prayer.’ that’s right-alexandria weather is a perspiring caldarium. you’ll sweat, you’ll squint, you’ll regret wearing those lacey khaki shorts.

then there’s the rent. heard from my cousin hassan-no, not the one who got arrested for feeding pigeons near abbas el-matouh mosques-that a ‘quiet zone’ apartment in fleming could cost you $1,200 usd. wait, that’s cheaper than santo domingo? maybe. but haggle for a balcony view of the mediterranean and suddenly it’s ‘shipping containers? nah, brother.’ pro-tip: avoid al-gantour districts. safety’s not exactly a 5-star review out there.

breaks your computer? hit up peak solutions. they’ve got wifi faster than my dating life (which is, fair). but don’t even think about asking neighbors for help. tried that once. next thing: they’re asking why i’m wearing a cross necklace. tourists, nah. digi-code worker, yeah. but yeah. don’t ask where the nearest mosque is. just point and wave like you’re negotiating a hookah deal at eletra beach.

here’s the deal: alexandria’s a carnival of contradictions. you’ve got a coptic church next door to a russian engineering firm, and the street should’ve been named ‘confusion bakery’ instead of ‘nile bazar souk.’ so when in rome, steal the baklava. but don’t touch the khattwi pots during daylight. that’s why a local told me they ‘may shatter like their divorce proceedings.’

overheard: ‘you’re not from here.’ you reply with smile: ‘shit, no, i’m here to open a laptop school.’ they threaten to call the police. grins remind them i’m paying rent. diplomatically, of course. and if someone smells bad? no, i’m not talking you. i’m talking that zabihah meat vendor down the street. his kebabs? unholy. but you’ll still eat three.
above all: stop pretending you’re gonna ‘understand’ the alexandrian culture. it’s like chewing gum while giving a pecha kucha talk. chaotic, stressful, and somehow, you still eat 10 chocolate croissants. now go forth. and if you hear voices, ignore them. probably just the traffic.

let’s get weird with numbers:
- safety index: 54/100 (thanks, expat forum). don’t walk alone in abou el-rebbayya at 4 AM.
- avg rent: $650 for a shit apartment in el-damietta district. splurge for el-waffaab? $1,000.
- cost of living*: 60% cheaper than alex but coffee? $2.50. just for a basic espresso. yikes.

[[embed map]] [[img 1 manila, imposed by egypt]] [[img 2 sailwood boats at sunrise]]
[[link https://www.tripadvisor.com/travel-forums/ShowForum.xhtml?fid=1452507 https://www.tripadvisor.com/travel-forums/ShowForum.xhtml?fid=1452507 "this guy just tried to sell me an epega tour" ]] [[link https://www.reddit.com/r/AlexandriaEGYPT/comments/4y8e6o/im_new_and_ti/).reddit.com "oh god he loves machmour and the police dont speak english" ]]

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About the author: Adam Wright

Writer, thinker, and occasional over-thinker.

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