amsterdam is cold, wet, and full of bikes (help)
so i just rolled into amsterdam last night in this concrete box hostel that smells like someone fermented a stroopwafel in their sock drawer, and honestly? it's exactly what i expected. gray skies, canals reflecting streetlights like oily snakes, and this wind that slices through you like a dutch cheese knife. i just checked and it's 5.4°C but feels like 1.7°C with the windchill… there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. also it might rain. it always does.
saw this canal first thing this morning and thought 'wow they weren’t kidding about the water everywhere.'
anyway. let me dump the useful stuff before i forget: prepare to be flattened by bicycles. they’re everywhere. more bikes than people, they say, probably because everyone stole someone else’s when theirs got nicked.
saw this poor lonely one chained up-took a photo quick before it disappeared into the bike mafia underworld. don't even try walking in bike lanes seriously they'll ding their little bells like you're committing a war crime.
someone told me that the van gogh museum has queue lines longer than the canals themselves so i skipped it and ate bitterballen at a pub that looked like it hadn’t changed since rembrandt died. speaking of food: dutch cuisine is just fried things with mayo or things stuffed inside pancakes, which honestly works for me. do not eat herring from a street vendor unless you WANT to spend your afternoon bonding with a public toilet in vondelpark.
if you get bored, haarlem or zandvoort are just a short drive away (or a long tram ride where you’ll inevitably sit on someone’s forgotten half-smoked joint).
but mostly you can just wander these wonky buildings leaning on wooden stilts-11 million poles holding up the whole city, like it’s balancing on toothpicks. watched a houseboat wobble past earlier and wondered how many people have fallen into canals after one too many heinekens.
hot tips: if a local smiles at you while biking, they’re not being friendly-they’re executing a tactical maneuver to avoid hitting a tourist staring at google maps. also pro tip/review gossip: someone told me the anne frank house tickets sell out faster than free stroopwafels at a stoner convention, so better book before you come or you’ll be crying into your coffee like i did yesterday. whatever. i’m going to nap now. pray i don’t get run over by a cargo bike.
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