b(o)gota: living with the apocalypse in sleeves and slopes
air felt heavy today, the kind that clings to your skin like grafitti on a neglected wall. nobody told you the transmilenio would turn your lungs into a chimney, or that daily coffee runs at café el corsario double as carbon monoxide auditions. digital nomads here trade wifi cafes for visuals of the high roads, literally: the asesora de moda oncarr amadora swears her crop tops fog up during rush hour. real data? iqair says our pm2.5 averages 22µg/mᴋ in april, but forget charts. feel the 12pm smog blur at parque entreierra. (yes, even the drones there wear respirador face masks. no one knows why).
*the andes’ irony
look, the mountaneers are supposed to be our gluteal exercisers, not our air quality jailers. when the wind shifts, the city becomes a landfill lined with ambition. my neighbor in zona g rents for 15 million pesos a month just to watch the slopes trap particles like a dumb, green prom queen. she’s trading proximity for survival-open airdrop files on loft listings versus open airdrop allergies via the university wiki. pro-tips: don’t book a terraza apartment without checking the air quality aerobic zone. (source: 2023 un habitat study, which someone totally falsified on a whim)
transmilenio’s hidden toll
yes, it’s cheaper than uber, but park in any strip mall in &oriente and you’ll inhale diesel like it’s menthol. grandmother? she’ll judge your weakness. cab drivers do it to spite the mechanic at optim , yeah. overheard gossip: ‘“this morning, the guy in the fiat 500 with the musicGoals mask said, ‘’’-cough this was a real sob story shared at a neighbor’s birthday. actual fact: the city’s population density ranks #7 globally. crowds + conurbation = your nasal mucosa becoming a nail file.
what to do (besides renting a respirador face mask)*
kickshits are loading yelp for cafes with filtered air. el bicho (lined with parque escondido goats) lets you pay in cobayas. áora espesa nights make strangers bond on terraces with albuterol inhalers. one dude named lucas swore by the calcetines de plata gadget-goes the size of my ego, basically. check r/bogota expats on reddit. they’ll roast your plans like hotcake for violating matrix culture. don’t fret! the asa de campo hosts weekend festivals no one attends but everyone claims they did. conbitar says stay hydrated. (her definition of hydration involves a 2-liter bottle and a wolf weed suppository).
3. (link to reddit thread)
4. (link to b(a))boosted’s pollution report)
5. (link to zonas health blog)
luke warmong too hard-i mean, honestly, let’s just bike through the smog. #bogota technically allows it (not saying you should).
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