Boise, Idaho: A Consultant's Cold and Cynical Take

i landed in boise after a flight that felt like being stuck in a *meeting that never ends. the air hit me: -4.4°C but with 86% humidity, it's a damp cold that seeps into your socks like a bad client feedback. feels like -7.67°C? more like feels like regret.

this city is spread out, no downtown core to speak of, just strip malls and brown brick buildings that whisper 'budget cuts'. i heard from a local at the airport bar that the best breakfast is at a place called The Daily but only if you get there before 7am. i went at 8am and got scrambled eggs that tasted like conference room coffee.

neighbors? if you're bored, portland is west, but be warned: the rain there is relentless, like a project manager who won't let go. reno is south for when you want to gamble with your life savings. salt lake city is east, but locals say it's just boise with better skiing and worse coffee. i believe them.

here's the map:. see that blob? that's the entire city. it's smaller than my old powerpoint deck.

for food, potatoes are a religion. i tried fry sauce at Westside Drive-In - someone told me it's a must, but it might just be thousand island dressing. still, when you're cold, anything greasy helps. skip the TripAdvisor top lists; they're sponsored. instead, ask the bartender at Bittercreek Ale House; he sent me to a hidden taco stand behind a laundromat. true story.

the weather is a character. every morning, the frost paints windshields with abstract patterns that take 10 minutes to scrape. i just checked: -4.4°C, feels like -7.67°C, humidity 86%. hope you like that kind of thing - i'm hating it.

reviews as gossip: i overheard at Idaho Brewing that the greenbelt along the boise river is beautiful in summer, but in winter it's a frozen path with broken bottles and angry geese. someone warned me about 8th street bar crawls - they get rowdy and the bouncers are ex-military. don't go alone.

images from my phone:

that's my rental car after the snowplow passed.

that's some art installation downtown called 'the pepper' - or my dreams of warmth.

that's the state capitol, looking lonely in the fog.

for tips: bring layers, like, five. don't trust public transit - it's a myth. rent a car to drive to craters of the moon and stare at lava fields in the snow. visit the boise state university campus; the blue turf is iconic, but the students seem too happy.

as a consultant, i see boise as a case study in doing more with less. no skyscrapers, just functional buildings. the economy is tech-driven, but it feels like a startup that never left the garage. people are friendly, but in a suspicious way - like they're selling something.

more gossip: i heard from a yoga instructor at Boise Yoga that the balance is off: too much booze, not enough zen. vinyl records are huge here - i saw a store with rows of them. potholes are a sport.

links: if you want real talk, read Boise Weekly for events and scandals. Yelp for cheap eats, but ignore the five-star reviews from locals' moms. the local subreddit is a mess of traffic complaints and animal sightings.

so, boise: it's cold, cheap, and unpretentious. if you like duct tape fixes and breweries on every corner, you'll love it. but the weather? it's a monster. i'm leaving before i turn into a consultant-shaped ice cube.

overheard at the airport: 'boise in winter is for masochists and locally-born*. i'm neither.'