boston crime stats: my therapist told me to worry less (i didn't listen)

so you’re moving to boston? or just visiting? look, i’ve been here long enough to know the difference between a headline and a heartbeat. i’m mike, by the way. not my real name, but the guy who won’t shut up at the coffee shop. you want the real talk on whether this city is getting safer or just better at hiding the scary stuff? pull up a stool.

*q: okay, mike. just the numbers. is it safer?

a: fine. the boring stuff first. the bpd’s own data says violent crime is down like 8% citywide over the last five years. feels true? sometimes. property crime-your bikes, your packages, your unlocked car with a “boston strong” sticker-is a total coin flip. up in some pockets, down in others. it’s not one story. it’s twenty stories happening at once.

here’s the fun part nobody prints: the rent. average studio in south end? $2,400. you think that’s a safety issue? when you’re coughing up that much for a box, you’re not calling the cops for a noise complaint. you’re just staring at the ceiling, calculating how many shifts at that bullshit consulting gig you need to not get evicted. that’s a different kind of crime.

q: what about jobs?

a: the “job market” is a goddamn fever dream. biotech boom? sure, if you have a phd in something that ends in “-ology.” for the rest of us? it’s a marathon of temp gigs, $18/hr admin roles with “unlimited growth potential” (meaning you’ll do the same data entry for three years), and the constant whisper of “just move to austin.” i’d say the real crime is the soul-crushing grind, but that’s not on any chart.

q: weather?

a: it’s april and it’s 48 degrees with a sideways rain that feels like an angry shower. the weather here doesn’t have seasons, it has mood swings. one day you’re in a t-shirt on the charles, the next you’re buying a $120 jacket you’ll wear twice. and don’t get me started on the humidity in august. it’s a biological weapon. but hey, you can be on a beach in hampton, nh in an hour, or in the woods of western mass by lunch. that’s the payoff. you trade predictability for proximity to things that aren’t this exact patch of concrete.

q: any neighborhoods i should just… avoid?

a: look, i’m not your dad. but i’ve heard things. some old-timer at the southie bar (the one that smells like stale beer and regret) told me to “not get cute in the schools after dark.” what does that mean? who knows. r/boston is a cesspool of genuine alerts and paranoid fantasy. you’ll find a thread screaming about dorchester and another about how the back bay’s “too safe to be interesting.” take it all with a grain of salt and a beer.

overheard gossips (real ones):
- "my cousin’s friend’s bike got lifted in beacon hill and they found it in roxbury three weeks later, totally stripped. just a frame." - some dude at city hall plaza.
- "the new ‘safe streets’ initiative just moved the problem two blocks over. it’s a shell game, i swear." - aubern mom at market basket, shaking her head at the frozen pizza selection.
- "don’t even bother reporting a stolen phone. they’ll just tell you to fill out the online form and then you’ll get an email that’s basically a haiku about futility." - my barista, who has seen it all.

so, is it getting safer? statistically, maybe for the big, headline-grabbing stuff. but the daily grind of feeling secure? that’s up to you, your block, and how much you’re willing to pay to live somewhere where people actually look you in the eye. i still walk home from the t at 10pm, but i keep my headphones out and my keys between my fingers. old habits.

drunk advice from a stranger (aka, my final take):*
- check the local crime maps, but cross-reference with the latest yelp reviews for your building management. if they have a one-star review about ignoring break-ins, run.
- forget the overall city stats. drill down to your census tract. you’re not moving to “boston.” you’re moving to east somerville off 93, or that weird strip of brighton by the turnpike. that’s your bubble.
- talk to the person who runs the corner store. they know who’s trouble and who’s just having a bad day. better than any police blotter.

and for the love of god, get renters insurance. it’s $15 a month. i’m serious.

here’s the raw bpd data dump if you want to get your own nerd on.

nothing says local like the boston subreddit meltdowns. seriously, the daily ‘is this area safe?’ posts are a genre.

yelp’s not just for food, man. read the reviews for your prospective building. the horror stories are in paragraph four, after the five-star “management is great!”

oh, and pro tip: if someone on the street says “you from around here?” and it’s not 2pm, just keep walking. always.

i’ll be at the pub on washington if you need more unsolicited opinions. they’re free, like this city’s sense of security-complicated, a little broken, but you’ll still argue about it for hours.

boston crime stats: my therapist told me to worry less (i didn't listen)

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About the author: Silas Dean

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