Cairo's secrets: why i still chase heat, even when it's hellfire

cairo has that illusion of timelessness-the way the minarets cut through clouds like daggers, the dust that clings to your skin like a bad decision. i checked the weather this morning: *36°C right now, feels like 22. feels like 22? hah, try surviving a tourist monkey tour in those temps. Giza was a disaster zone today. a guy near the sphinx was yelling about pigeons nesting in the Great Pyramid (total lie, by the way), and another insisted i needed to try koshari at a 24-hour falafel stall he called ‘the only honest meal here.’

i tried the falafel. it was fine. hummus blew my mind, though-tangy enough to make your tongue weirdly happy. Street food here’s a gamble. some guy swore by a biryani spot in Khan el-Khalili, but the line was longer than a love letter written in ancient Greek.

neighbors, though-luxor’s a two-hour dash if you want pyramids without the sweat. Alexandria’s got sea breeze, but good luck finding wifi there. Giza’s got the beer, though. a Dutch guy I met on a Nile felucca recommended a rafting spot downstream, though I’m pretty sure he was hallucinating from dehydration.

Someone told me the Cairo Tower is haunted. another said the mosque of Ibn Tulun has a hidden wine cellar. travel blogs all say ‘authentic,’ but who’s authentic here? the vendors? the sweepers?

i grabbed a coffee at al-mokattam, where the WiFi’s slower than my grandmother’s Wi-Fi. nearby, a skateboarder crashed into a stall selling dried mango. tourists flock here to ‘get lost,’ but you don’t get lost-you get sold schezwan sauce.

i’m posting this from cafe al arabi, where the barista knows my order by my face. the map shows where I am-yes, yes, I’ll let you zoom in on my awkward position near the Islamic art market. just don’t judge the quality of Wi-Fi here; I’ve had worse. like the server at the Ritz-Carlton who once served me oat milk. in Cairo. that’s a crime.

i’ll leave you with this: Cairo’s not for everyone. if you crave order, go. but if you like heat that clings, mystery in every bite, and neighbors who swear by things that are 100% true-pack a fan, a flask, and a sense of humor. oh, and bring your passport. twice.*