Cebu: Where the Heat Meets the Hustle (And Sometimes a Bad WiFi Signal)
i woke up to a ceiling fan that sounds like it’s trying to escape a jail cell. 29.92c out here and the air feels like it’s holding its breath. my coffee lasted 10 seconds because the humid air turned it into lukewarm regret. 1682598 milliseconds ago i got here and already the noise level here is like a podcast recording in a rainstorm. seriously though if you get bored_cb_ [manila] are just a short drive away. no need to pretend you like the ocean when you can pretend you’re in a mall. 1608530771 seconds ago was when i last took a proper shower. don’t ask.
next thing i know i’m at that sidewalk diner with neon signs that promise "best adobo" but the soup is literally boiling over. locals keep shouting about some festival at the port but no one has the decency to explain it. i asked a guy holding a plastic flip-flop and he just pointed at a burning trash bin. great.
weather here is a conspiracy. feels_like hits 33.5c and i’m sweating through my vintage band t-shirt. someone told me that the water in the city reservoir tastes like old gasoline. i tried it. it was a mistake. i’m now 70% sure the neighbors are aliens. why else would they stack mangoes on their balconies at 2am?
reviews? oh yeah. some drunk guy at yelp warned me this market would steal my shoes. i heard that a week ago from a woman who later turned out to be a 70-year-old yoga instructor named ms. claudia who cried about her granddaughter’s wedding. totally not made up. there’s also this rumor that the beach is actually a military training ground. dont believe me? ask the guy renting out umbrellas. he called it "the chopper zone."
here’s the map if you’re questioning your life choices.
this is where i stayed. a place with rats in the plumbing but free mango smoothies. https://tripadvisor.com/cb-review-12345 https://yelp.com/cb-rats https://localboards.ph/discussion/abandoned-pool-area
images are your best friend.
see that beach? that’s not real.
i swear the waves are just reflections of the apartment above.
looks like a photoshopped prom poster.
pro-tip: if you’re buying street food and it smells like regret. stop. i ate a balut here and it was like eating a fantasy. i now have a weird craving for raw eggs. also avoid the taxi drivers who tell you "this road is haunted." they’re just selling crystals. don’t be that person.
this place has that messy magic. the kind where you’re 30% sure you’re dreaming. the kind where the power goes out at 3am and you hear weird noises but it’s probably just a neighbor yelling at their jeep. leave your baggage here. literally._hostel is just a short walk. their showers are better than your memories if you ask me. https://unplggd.com/cb-hostel-review https://iblogger.ph/cb-mystery-lights?utm_source=blogger
tags: cebu, chaotic, heatwave, lost soul, unsung islands
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