Cincinnati: Where Healthcare, Hockey, and Bad Coffee Keep the Lights On

if you’ve ever moved somewhere because of a job-congrats on surviving rent-the first thing you should do is swipe right on a buttoned-down suit and start asking yourself why this place always ends up being the answer. like, cincinnati. you know the drill. median rent for a shoebox? $1,250. median job? nurse, warehouse associate, or (shudder) call center. yeah, i’m looking at you, mercy health recruiters.
the data don’t lie. unemployment here? 4.5% last month. not bad, right? but then you read the fine print. 78% of jobs are in sectors that don’t exactly scream ‘futureproof.’ healthcare (32%), education (18%), and manufacturing (15%). congrats, you’re one union standoff away from bankruptcy. ever heard the term ‘ratings stabilization’? no? ask your buddy who works at boeing plant 2. they’ll tell you 2023 ‘dunsworths’ are how fast they downsize here.
let me tell you about the weather. oh, it’s ‘ohio river breeze’ weather as i type this. feels like the world’s tinnier version of cincinnati chili-crispy on top, soggy inside. and the neighbors? not the welcome wagon type. last time i drove to louisville, someone asked if i was here for the ‘rails jobs.’ what’s a rails job? ask your cousin who spends tuesdays at the walter hall stables. he’ll probably smoke a cigarette while explaining.
i went to the uni.uc job fair last year. 12 recruiters, 300 students. everyone jockeying to talk to the guy from cincinnati childrens’ hospital. why the hospital? because if you’re not a nurse here, you’re a nurse there. and if you’re not a nurse, you’re basically invisible. quick story: my friend tiffany applied to 50 pharmacy jobs. got 10 interviews. none hired her. one of them said, ‘we’re good on staff right now.’ oh, okay. then why’re you interviewing people?
theinternet knows about cincinnati’s cost of living trap. rent’s up 18% since 2020. but hey, food’s cheaper! that’s a lie. the 24-hour deli on pennsylvania street will give you food poisoning so you don’t end up buying groceries. pro-tip: never trust a place that advertises ‘queen city’ and ‘beautiful’ in the same breath. it’s like getting engaged to someone who owns a painting of a sunset.
but here’s the real kicker: the steelers’ economy. no, not sports. the steelers of small business. it’s real. you walk into a gas station, see a sign: ‘now hiring-$15/hr, night shift.’ what? $15? imagine. but that’s the average wage here. 2023 data from the cincinnati region economic development corporation says 62% of jobs are sub-sustained. thanks to aging infrastructure and factories that’ve seen more layoffs than a reality tv show.
so why do people stay? maybe the same reason i’m still here. the local punk scene, the weirdly aggressive bunny population, and the fact that if you hate living here, you maybe won’t have to see your coworkers at the grocery store. although if you’re a disillusioned consultant (shoutout to greg from the upsherd building), you’ll know the hustle. he told me once at the salvage garage: ‘cincinnati’s like a poorly maintained roomba. it’ll run 24/7, but just… circle this one spot in west midtown forever.’
check the subreddit. r/cincinnati is 500 people yelling about Rookwood carnival rides and 50 comparing who has the worse luves. it’s genuine. find me a ‘top post,’ and it’ll be someone asking if the art museum’s beholden to local developer lobbyists. click here to read through the chaos.
places to avoid for real life: {tripadvisor} for the ‘hidden gem’ nonsense, {yelp} for that one awful burrito spot near the zoo, {reddit.com/r/Cincinnati} (do not engage the memphis trolls), and whatever {geektv.com} page is trending. but hey, it’s a gamble. maybe you’ll land a job that doesn’t feel like punch clock purgatory. or maybe you’ll keep working midnight shifts at the ikea distribution center. at least the benefits are decent.
embed maps.google.com map here

if you want to survive, you’d better start learning spreadsheet psychology. the 2023 cost of living here? 12.3% below national average-sigh-but the ‘affordability’ is just a participation trophy. cry me a river.
overheard at the dave’s goods ‘free magic mushroom day’ trading card event: ‘they’re opening a kroger in old navy’s spot. everyone’s broke fam.’ true. cry more.
(if you made it this far, you’re probably a vet. or a sad millennial. either way, you know this place ain’t easy. but hey, at least the pigeons are chill.)

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