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Columbus Oh: What you need to know before moving there or pretending you're not confused by the cows on the highway

@Vera Zinn2/5/2026blog

the moment i landed in columbus and realized there were weirdly large herds of cattle somehow 10 miles from the city youknew something was off. i mean okay farming but this felt different. anyways back to reality: today it's -7.54°f here and feels like -12. you'd think columbus would be warmer but hey that's ohio for you. bundle up or don't i guess. anyway the map shows the rivers but don't get excited. the water looks about as inviting as a thrift store couch from 1998.

so here's the deal: columbus is the midwest's version of a surprise party thrown by ohio state university. scattered across 217 square miles of flat weirdness with just enough hills to make you question every life decision that led here. the neighbors dublin hilliard grove city take up the suburbs so if you get bored they're a short drive away. don't ask how hilliard got that name though. rumor has it it's because of cows. again. i saw a cow this morning wearing a tiny osu hat and everything made sense.

cheap eats? check. someone told me the best way to experience columbus is through wendy's chili in a plastic cup. or if you fancy a little nostalgia swing by backyard slides which is just a pool with slides in the backyard of someone's house. weird but it's real. and like apparently buckeye candies are such a thing. peanut butter chocolate truffles shaped like buckeyes? i'm both excited and terrified.
travelers warnin': the highways are like a game of snakes and ladders. i-70 feels like it was built by someone with road rage. public transit exists but if you're not from here you'll spend 20 minutes wondering why the bus just screamed past you without stopping. and the traffic during osu games? forget parking. it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack that's on fire.

downtown? if you squint it's somehow both chaotic and boring. downtown columbus is the goth kid who's also singing into a mic. look around you might spot the short north arts district where the murals look like they were painted by someone mentally juggling grenades. or wander through german village where the brick streets make you feel like you're in a history textbook that never closed the chapter.

winters here make you rethink the whole 'midwest nice' concept. one day it's 70°f and sunny the next you're shoveling sand from last year's flake. the lake effect snow is basically a myth here so don't waste your time waiting for it. also gravel is considered a luxury on some roads. but hey the summers are great for sweating through summer glove brownies at killbuck lakes melissa county park.

people here are weirdly nice but not in the fake way. they'll talk to you at the grocery store like they're your cousin. and hey if you survive the cold you'll understand why everyone here loves their coffee. komodo's coffee or something. whatever it was that kept me alive during the 10 degree Tuesday.

if you're into weird alleys and things that look like they escaped from a theme park there's a place called the wexner center which is a museum shaped like a brain. or don't. i haven't had coffee yet and my brain alignment is questionable anyway.

so yeah columbus is what happens when a city forgets its plans and settles instead. with proper road salt and a skyline that screams 'i'm trying but i'm still a work in progress.' it's affordable and growing okay the suburbs are expanding into farmland as we speak. but watch out for those cows. trust me.

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About the author: Vera Zinn

Trying to make sense of the world, one article at a time.

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