Denver Traffic Made Me Miss a $12 Fur Coat: Confessions of a Thrift-Obsessed Commuter
let me tell you why denver highways are the devil’s accordion-squeezing your soul out between boulder and aurora while some bro in a lifted truck tailgates you for obeying the speed limit. i was THIS close to scoring a 1970s shag rug of a faux fur at Denver Vintage Collective last tuesday when i-25 decided to become a parking lot. missed it by four minutes. some trust fund baby from lohi probably bought it to use as … ironic dog bedding. ugh.
stats? yeah i got’em: you’ll spend 74 hours a year sucking exhaust fumes according to some depressing traffic study. that’s enough time to fully embroider a denim jacket while listening to every podcast ever made. fun fact-rent near downtown averages $2,200 for a shoebox sized spot unless you want … *cap hill neighbors who blast edm at 3am (ask me how i know).
weather’s doing its usual schizo sunshine thing-one minute it’s 70 and perfect for digging through racks at Garage Sale Vintage, next minute it’s hailing dented hubcaps onto your ’93 volvo. pro tip: always carry a puffer coat and sunscreen. simultaneously.
> overheard at my mechanic while waiting for yet another tire patch:
> “transplants keep complaining about traffic while causing traffic. hilarious. buy a bike or move to cheyenne.”
speaking of cheyenne-boulder’s crunchy cousin and colorado springs’ awkward uncle are just an hour-ish drive if you escape before the highway demons wake up. wanna know the real kicker? job market’s ‘hot’ if you’re in tech or healthcare, but good luck affording RiNo apartments flickr.com/photos/denver on a thrifting reseller budget.
drunk advice from a bartender at liono coffee* (best pour-over slash accidental therapy sesh spot):
“always take colfax if gps says i-25 is green. always. even if you smell existential dread and stale cheerios.”
final warning: never attempt a 4pm dash from Twist & Shout Records to the airport expecting ‘oh it’s only 20 miles.’ lies. the universe will sense your optimism and throw three fender-benders and an emu farm parade on peña blvd.
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