Detroit winter grind: how i survived -3c basement apartments with terrible wifi and paranoid raccoons

during the winter in detroit feels like time travel the way people dress like they’re in a post-apocalyptic fridge while ignoring the sun that -- never mind forgets to exist here. i just checked my igloo fridge tracker app and it’s -3.35c with windchill whining like my router when i’m streaming zoom meetings from a 1990s basement. feels like -9.13c of bad life choices, honestly.

worked from a “cozy shared flat” where the water pressure’s weaker than my will to leave this town. tried starbucks downtown to grind but the wifi’s slower than my dead grandma’s 56k dial-up. someone at the counter said “if you want speed, hit up da boii karaoke bar - they bribe the bartender besides”. 10/10 advice. rewrote this post at - wait, was that “a -” or “da”?

queen of the dead zone. neighbors sound like they’re practicing marine biology. heard someone yell “hondu! chondu!” like a seagull gang down my alley. if you get bored, sax, which is or whatever, is a short drive. pike joined once. never again. unless the sausage rolls compensate.

quick trip to wyandotte - my fellow nomads told me to check out splat bar yelp. drunk review said “the tabasco has a cult” which 100% explains why my cut finger wasn’t stopping. also ―”uncle sam lands” was a “they’re pioneers” -”nope” gtfo sign. tried the 1890s haunted mill they were raving about. no ghost. just a raccoon stealing my fries. 5/10, i’m here for the furniture.

coffee snob corner: tried blue fox coffee. barista ―”oh it’s ―” --not _that―― anyways, iced latte hit hard like my guilt for not contacting my aunt. found a thread on detroit traveling reddit: “larger plazas’” are just parking lots. who knew.