Funchal, Madeira: Where the Humidity Hugs You and the Levadas Whisper Secrets
okay, so. madeira. i’m still peeling the salt spray off my boots, honestly. it’s been…a lot. i’m a botanist, right? supposed to be all calm observation and meticulous note-taking. madeira threw that out the window about five minutes after i landed.
first off, the numbers. 2413876 and 1270723713. don’t ask. they’re…coordinates. of a particularly stubborn fern. i’ll explain later, maybe. probably not.
right now, it’s 34.14 degrees. feels like 31.6. the pressure’s 1012, humidity’s a ridiculous 11%. which, you know, sounds low, but trust me, it’s clinging to you like a damp hug. i just checked and the air is thick enough to chew, hope you like that kind of thing.
funchal itself is…chaotic. in a good way? mostly. the old town is a maze of cobblestone streets, all twisting and turning. i spent a solid hour just trying to find my way back to the hotel. someone told me that the best way to navigate is to just follow the smell of bolo do caco - garlic bread. apparently, it’s a reliable guide. i’m not arguing.
and the neighbors! if you get tired of the lush, volcanic landscapes, Porto Santo is just a short ferry ride away. Apparently, it’s got miles of pristine beaches. I didn’t make it over, too busy wrestling with that fern.
let’s talk levadas. these irrigation channels crisscross the island, and they’re amazing. you can walk along them, and the views are incredible. but, and this is a big but, i heard that some of the paths are seriously dodgy. like, sheer drop-offs and crumbling edges dodgy. so, maybe pack a good pair of hiking boots and a healthy dose of caution. check out some reviews on TripAdvisor before you go - https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g184337-Activities-Madeira_Island_Madeira.html.
and the food! oh god, the food. i’ve been living on espetadas (grilled skewers of beef) and passion fruit juice. it’s a dangerous combination. i’m pretty sure i’ve gained five pounds. but i regret nothing. check out some local restaurants on Yelp - https://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=restaurants&find_loc=Funchal%2C+Madeira.
okay, quick gear list, because i’m apparently supposed to do that:
Waterproof everything. seriously. everything.
Hiking boots. sturdy ones.
Insect repellent. the mosquitos are relentless.
A good camera. you’ll want to document all this.
A phrasebook. portuguese is…challenging.
A sense of humor. you’ll need it.
and a warning, overheard from a very tanned gentleman at a bar: “don’t trust the pigeons. they’re plotting something.” i’m not sure what that means, but i’m keeping an eye on them.
seriously though, madeira is wild. it’s beautiful. it’s exhausting. and i’m already planning my return trip. i need to find that fern again. and maybe try some bolo do caco. and definitely keep an eye on those pigeons. check out this local forum for more tips - https://www.madeiraislanddirect.com/forum/.
right, i’m off to find more coffee. and maybe a pigeon-watching spot.
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