kolkata, my back hurts, and the chai is cheap

okay, so i’ve been in kolkata for three days and my spine is staging a protest against this plastic chair i "borrowed" from the hostel reception. the bed bugs threw a party on my ankle last night, so that’s fun. the weather’s doing that thing where it’s 21 degrees celsius but the humidity’s 44% so my hair’s in a permanent "i gave up" state. i just checked and it’s...there right now, hope you like that kind of thing.

i dragged my laptop to this "coworking" cafe that’s basically someone’s living room with extra tables. the wifi’s named "paradise" but it’s slower than my grandma’s dial-up. someone told me that the owner’s cousin runs a secret sari shop in the back - true story, i saw bolts of fabric behind a curtain. i ordered a chai that cost 30 rupees and the guy brought me a biscuit too, which is basically local hospitality code for "we feel bad for your sad laptop."

if you get bored, darjeeling’s just a six-hour bus ride through hills that’ll make you question your life choices. or howrah’s a ferry away and smells like fish but in a "authentic experience" kind of way. i heard from a guy in a cafe that the best street food is actually in the alley behind the temple, but the guy who runs it "only smiles on tuesdays." also, the border’s just a ferry away, and bangladesh has better wifi apparently? don’t quote me on that.

i’ve been checking this TripAdvisor page for cafes, but half the reviews are from 2017. still, the "hidden gem" near the university has almond milk if you ask nicely. Yelp’s got a list of cheap eats that’s mostly accurate, except the "spicy" warning is a lie - everything’s spicy. there’s this nomad board where someone posted about a solar-powered hostel? sounds fake but i’m desperate for outlets. oh, and the street dogs here are basically the city’s unofficial tour guides - they’ll lead you to the best chaiwalas if you follow them long enough.

the pressure’s 1015 hpa, which means nothing to me until i tried to open a water bottle and it fizzed like soda. ground level’s 1014 - anyway. i’m sitting here with my headphones on, pretending i’m productive while watching a guy mend fishing nets across the street. the light’s all golden and streak-y, you know? the air smells like diesel and jasmine, which is a combo i never knew i needed.

i’ve got to say, the vibe here is "will work for wifi." i met a guy who’s been here since april and he says the monsoon’s gonna hit soon and everything turns to mud. good thing i packed my "waterproof" boots that leak. anyway, if you’re coming, bring a power strip and an open mind. the city’s a maze, but the chai’s cheap. oh, and if you need a sim card, don’t go to the official store - the guy on the corner sells them for half price and throws in a free sticker.