Kolkata: Sticky Mangoes and a Whole Lotta Chaos (Seriously)
okay, so. kolkata. where do i even begin? i’m elara, by the way, and i’m a botanist. usually, i’m knee-deep in ferns and moss, not dodging scooters and trying to figure out how to order chai without accidentally insulting someone. but hey, fieldwork is fieldwork, right? i’m here ostensibly to study some rare orchids, but honestly, i’m mostly just absorbing the… everything.
I just checked and the air feels like a warm hug that’s slightly too clingy. twenty-one point six degrees, they say. Humidity’s at sixty-five percent. Basically, you’re perpetually damp. Don’t even think about wearing anything you care about. Seriously. I’m rocking a faded band tee and cargo shorts - peak botanist chic, obviously.
My first few days were… intense. The sheer volume of people, the honking, the smells (oh, the smells! a glorious, overwhelming mix of spices, exhaust fumes, and something vaguely floral that I haven’t identified yet), it’s a sensory overload. I spent a good hour just staring at a traffic intersection, completely mesmerized. I think I actually saw a cow casually strolling through. No one batted an eye.
I’m staying in a little guesthouse in *Park Street. It’s… rustic. Let’s go with rustic. The fan is temperamental, the plumbing makes noises I can’t identify, and the wifi is a suggestion, not a guarantee. But the chai is amazing, and the owner, Mrs. Chatterjee, is a sweetheart. She keeps trying to feed me things I can’t pronounce.
“Apparently, if you eat too much mishti doi, you’ll start speaking Bengali in your sleep. Drunk advice from the guy at the corner shop, but I’m taking it as a challenge.”
I’ve been wandering around, trying to get a feel for the place. Victoria Memorial is stunning, obviously. All marble and grandeur. But honestly, I prefer the smaller, less polished corners of the city. The flower markets, the tiny tea stalls, the crumbling colonial buildings covered in vines. That’s where the real magic happens. I found this incredible little shop selling antique seed packets - seriously, a botanist’s dream! I’m trying to track down the vendor again, but it was tucked away in a maze of alleyways.
Someone told me that the Howrah Bridge is incredibly dangerous to cross during rush hour. Apparently, it’s a free-for-all. I haven’t braved it yet, but I’m working up my courage. I’m also trying to figure out the public transport system. It’s… an experience. Let’s just say I’ve ended up in a few places I didn’t intend to go.
If you get bored, Dhaka and Chennai are just a short hop on a train away. I might take a day trip to one of them, just to break up the orchid hunting.
I’ve been documenting everything, of course. Mostly just photos of plants and random street scenes. I’m thinking of starting an Instagram account dedicated to the weird and wonderful flora of Kolkata. Maybe I’ll call it “Kolkata Blooms.” What do you think?
Here’s a quick rundown of things I’ve learned so far:
*Bargaining is essential. Seriously, don’t accept the first price you’re quoted.
*Carry hand sanitizer. Everywhere.
*Embrace the chaos. It’s part of the charm.
*Learn a few basic Bengali phrases. It goes a long way. (I’m currently working on “thank you” and “where is the bathroom?”)
*Be prepared to be stared at. As a foreigner, you’re going to attract attention. Just smile and wave.
I’m heading to the Indian Botanical Garden tomorrow. Hopefully, I’ll find some of those elusive orchids. And maybe I’ll finally figure out how to order chai without accidentally offending anyone. Wish me luck!
Check out TripAdvisor for some more reviews: https://www.tripadvisor.com/Tourism-g298394-Kolkata_West_Bengal-Vacations.html. And Yelp for some restaurant recommendations: https://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=restaurants&find_loc=Kolkata%2C+West+Bengal%2C+India. Also, this local forum has some interesting discussions: https://www.indiaboardings.com/forum/kolkata/.
“A local warned me about the pigeons in Maidan. Apparently, they’re fearless and will steal your food if you’re not careful.”
Okay, gotta go. Mrs. Chatterjee is calling me for more mishti doi*. Send help (and maybe some mosquito repellent).
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