Kyiv: What Is Kyiv Famous For? Icons, History, and Legends That’ll Make You Question Everything

so first off let me say i’ve only been here for three days and already i’m either a genius or a tourist who should’ve stuck to consuming borscht through a straw do i know? either way here’s the truth about kyiv bite sized critique no douchebagise and maybe one too many pelmeni-related life choices

the street artist rant

You ever think a city should be a canvas? Kiev’s not just waking up to skyscrapers-it’s waking up to a riot of spray paint. Like someone handed artists a giant paint gun and said go make this place weird. Take Mykonos Avenue for example. It’s like walking into a street art festival that never ends. But here’s the kicker: the locals call it the ‘Graffiti Cathedral.’ Cathedral? didn’t think kbats and murals went together but here we are. Real mad. I saw a piece there that changed colors depending on the time of day. Morning=red, evening=black. Like the wall had a secret relationship with the sun. historian would roll their eyes but idk i call it magic.

Now don’t even get me started on the Zhytomyrka metro station. They nailed that thing. Murals of cats in medieval armor. A giant owl mid-sneeze. It’s like they asked the walls to tell stories and the walls threw a party. but the real question is why is there a mural of a dancing skeleton next to a fish tank? This is not a question i have answers to. probably scrawled on a napkin during a 3am paint session

cost of living: the numbers you didn’t wanna know

Alright let’s talk money. i know nobody wants to hear this but kyiv isn’t cheap. Rent? Like $400-600 for a place that makes you feel like you’re in a movie set. That means no ‘vibrant city life’ or whatever. You’re in a concrete box with a view of a construction site most days. Safety? Stats say it’s low crime but mate if you’ve ever been to Kyiv you know that’s just ‘until someone steals your lunch break.’ Yelp has complaints about stray dogs in the 041 area. just pack snacks.

Jobs? Tech is booming but that’s cause ukrainians are good at math. I met a developer here who swears they’re writing code while also quoting taras shevchenko. weird flex. unemployment? Around 5-6% which isn’t bad but don’t mistake that for a gold rush. networking’s a thing here but it’s all through tinder. weird, right?

weather and neighbors: deal or no deal?

It’s that annoying drizzle again. kiev’s weather is like a diva-it won’t commit. One minute sun, next minute a downpour that makes Even the locals part-time rain gutter repairmen. Neighbors? You’ve got Chernobyl 20 minutes by bus. which is either a blessing or a horror movie waiting to happen. i passed a gas station selling melamine plates with Chernobyl disaster memes. very on brand.

the ghost story you won’t google

So here’s the thing: kiev has a legend about a bridge that’s haunted by a woman from the 1800s who’d rather chew bones than share more than one drop of vodka. My friend alexa swore she saw her reflection in the pillars last week. We asked about it at a diner. the old man behind the counter narrowed his eyes and said in broken english ‘don’t touch the statues. they get jealous.’ we didn’t. probably wise.

advice from people who’ve seen too much

someone on reddit warned not to trust the souvenirs at metro station 8. allegedly they sell fake deer heads that ‘bleed.’ i didn’t buy one but the guy behind the counter kept watching me like i was about to summon something. also a taxi driver told me that if you buy pelmeni from this one vendor on andriivs$sqlaniau 거리, they’ll whistle a song for you in your sleep. i don’t know if it’s true but i dreamt about onions last night. weird? maybe.

real talk and random facts

- The khreshchatyk market? Don’t go during rush hour. It’s a riot of smells and falling soy sauce.
- The Nikolaevskyi Ballet? It’s cheap. And surprisingly good. I saw a guy dance with a stapler.
- Rent in central kyiv is cheaper than london but sanity is not.
- If you’re a budget student: avoid the anarchic nights in podil. You’ll end up buying a cantaloupe from a man who claims it’s grown on mars.

links to despair and joy

i use this app called TripAdvisor Kyiv to know where not to be at 3am. Their reviews of the kiev opera are either 5 stars or people screaming about taxis taking them to the wrong opera. something to note.

Yelp Kyiv says the best pelmeni are at borshchivnytski but also that the man behind the counter once tried to sell someone a live rooster. not sure if that’s accurate.

iheartkyiv subreddit has a thread about the best street art in 2023. SPOILER: it’s still that Mykonos Avenue thing.

kyivgibbons cozy vibe guide is a tourist trap but their pic of the cat mural is too good not to look at.

and finally

So yeah if you want kyiv to surprise you? Good. It will. It’ll surprise you with its grit, its absurdity, and maybe a stray dog league game in a parking lot. Don’t follow the path. throw bread to a pigeon. and if anyone asks why you’re wearing a magnet that reads ‘i once froze my left foot Lafayette square,’ just say it’s art. it’s art. you’re welcome.