Lagos: Stumbling Threads and Sticky Heat

so i landed in lagos with a suitcase full of hope and a wad of cash thinner than my patience at 9am. the city slaps you awake with humidity that feels like breathing through wet socks - i just checked and it's *26°C of pure, unadulterated stickiness right now, hope you like that kind of thing. if you get bored, abeokuta and ibadan are just a short drive away, but honestly, why would you?

first stop? balogun market, where vintage dreams go to die (or get resurrected). i’m a clothes picker, so my radar’s always scanning for hidden gems. stumbled into this alley choked with second-hand stalls and found a 70s kaftan that smelled like nostalgia and regret. the real treasure? bargaining with a toothless grandma who kept calling me "my daughter" while hiking up prices. you can thank me later when you see her stall.

"i heard that tarkwa bay is where lagos locals go to forget they live in lagos. bring snacks, because the food stalls charge tourist tax even if you’re wearing stained shorts."

spent yesterday getting hopelessly lost in lekki phase 1, dodging potholes and overpriced boutiques. someone told me this tailor in surulere can resurrect dead fabrics, but his shop is always locked. probably hiding from creditors or ghosts. after three days of searching, i finally scored a neon windbreaker that screams 1988 prom night. yelpers say it’s the best thing since sliced bread, but they probably haven’t seen my windbreaker.

"that yellow chili place? yeah, their jollof’s fire, but don’t order the suya unless you want to taste regret in every bite. also, the bathroom’s a portal to another dimension."

today’s mission: find a vinyl record to match my new windbreaker. the heat’s still hammering at 58% humidity, so i’m sweating like a sinner in church. lagos doesn’t sleep, and neither do i when there’s vintage gold to dig up. if you see me passed out under a mango tree* with a pile of band tees, just know it’s all part of the hunt. local boards say the real magic’s in makoko, but i’m not brave enough yet.