Montréal Metro Ghosts & Grit: How to Haunt the City Like You Belong

look. i didn’t come to montréal to ride the damn subway. i came to chase whispers in mile end alleys and documented 14 hauntings last month alone-but turns out, the real ghosts are in the STM métro system. here’s how to slide through this city without getting stranded like a tourist holding a melted poutine.

*the weather right now? imagine god spilled a slushie over st-laurent and called it spring. it’s the kind of cold that makes you google "can hypothermia make you see apparitions?" asking for a friend. quebec city’s a 3-hour drive east if you need to flee the existential dread.

overheard at parc metro at 2am: «évite la ligne orange après minuit-y’a un gars qui vend des chamallow grillés pis des histoires de fantômes» (translation: dude roasts marshmallows and tells ghost stories on the orange line). sounds fake? i watched him do it last tuesday. you’re welcome.

drunk advice from a dépanneur clerk:
- rent averages $1,500 for a 1-bedroom but you can squat in the old royal victoria hospital if you’re brave (78% haunted score on my spirit box)
- métro closes at 1am-unless you’re cool with hitchhiking with créature du métro (yes that’s a real urban legend)
- job market’s tight but café saint-henri pays $15.25/hr + free espresso for night owls

things locals won’t tell you:*
1. berri-uqam station’s underground maze doubles as a time portal to 1987 (personal theory)
2. green line smells like stale bagels because it’s secretly powered by fairmount’s oven vents
3. 43% of plateau residents are just ex-consultants hiding from their LinkedIn profiles

bonus tip: if you see a shadow figure on the yellow line to longueuil? say hi. that’s just philippe. he’s been lost since expo 67.

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