next to the lagoon, my laptop’s sweating in 26.5 degrees

so i landed here at 3am with a suitcase that weighed a human arm and a heart full of questions about why this city feels like a fever dream already. the first thing i noticed was the air. it’s thick as a durian in july, which is ironically common here. someone told me that this heat is intentional, like it’s trying to tell you something. i don’t know what. maybe that you’ll melt if you’re not careful?

my Airbnb is on this thing called lagos lagoon. not sure if it’s a lagoon or a pond or just a giant puddle someone named the wrong thing. the water’s calm, but the bugs? they buzz like they’re auditioning for a horror movie soundtrack. i checked the weather app and it’s still 26.5°c, feels like 26.5°c. why does the feels_like number even matter here? i’m just glad it’s not 40. i think.

i’d secretly like to live here. not because of the scorching sun or the way the buses honk like they’re judgmental about my life choices. but because of this one starbucks near the waterfront. the one where the barista stains every cup with some mysterious coffee goo. my friend mario from tripadvisor says it’s the best coffee he’s had in his life. i’m not sure he’s telling the truth. maybe he’s just trying to unwind after a bad yelp review. either way, i’ll take that gamble. i’ve already booked a weeklong stay at the starbucks-adjacent hostel.]

the neighbors? well, lagos is tiny enough that if you complain too loud, you’ll commit a felony. but that’s okay. there’s a guy who sells papayas by the bus stop every morning. he’s got a neon sign that says "fresh, never artificial" but i’ve never seen one of his papayas that wasn’t like… aggressively organic. maybe it’s a flex. maybe it’s a curse. i don’t know. i just bought one after he asked if i wanted to "upgrade to the mango version."

i went to this place recommended by a drunk guy at a dive bar. it’s called the blue brain bar. yelp says it’s "hauntingly beautiful" which is such a weird thing to say about a bar. maybe because the ceiling leaks? or maybe because i started questioning my life choices after three margaritas. anyway, the reviews are split. some say it’s a vibe, others swear the bread is fungal. honestly? i liked the fungal bread. it tasted like regret and olive oil. here’s the yelp page if you’re brave enough.]

i heard from a local that the lagoon’s ecosystem is dying. some blog post about microplastics in the water. i didn’t smell anything, but i’m not helpless. i threw a bunch of trash into the lagoon myself. i know, i know. i’m sorry. but at least it’s not a photoshoot. someone told me that if you walk in circles here for ten minutes, you’ll find a hidden beach. i tried. i ended up in a ditch. the mention of beaches makes me remember that i haven’t showered in three days because every hotel here charges $20 for a bucket of water. conspiratorially, my bluetooth speaker is drowning in mold right now. that’s a vibe.

i’m the type of person who thinks a city should work around you, not the other way around. so i did something reckless. i took my cheap drone and tried to film the lagoon at sunrise. it crashed twice. the second time, it recorded my panic. the video is now classified as evidence of why digital nomads shouldn’t care about filmmaking. but at least i have a new laundry detergent. made from recycled plastic. i hope it works. this is a link to a blog about eco-friendly gadgets.]

the moon was out last night. bright as a styrofoam ball. it made everything look cheap. i didn’t mind. i’m cheap. i bought a Vuitton bag off eBay that’s 20 years old. it costs $50 and smells like my grandma’s perfume. it’s not fake, they say. i don’t know. but the neighbors? they don’t care. they just honk at me when i walk past. they probably think i’m a tourist judging them. which is fair. i’m also here to document the chaos. like when this street artist started painting a mural of my face without asking. i didn’t run. i just took pictures. and he sold one to a guy who paid in pastries. that’s the lagos way of dealing with things.

someone warned me that the tap water is bad. i didn’t believe them until i tasted it. it’s like drinking a smoothie with expired ketchup. i switched to bottled water. which made me think about all the plastic bottles clogging the lagoon. i’m a hypocrite. but also, what do you do? a local water filter system here is cheaper than buying bottles. i tried it. it tasted like hope. maybe.[dang, my notebook got ruined by humidity. now i have to handwrite everything. classic Lagos.]

i’m staying here because the chaos is part of the plan. the heat, the uncertainty, the fact that my phone dies every time i try to use it in public. it’s all stuff i can’t plan for. and honestly? that’s the point. i’m not here for a checklist. i’m here because the next time i open this laptop, there might be a photo of a papaya vendor judging me. or a photo of a mural that looks like a dream i forgot. either way, this city is a weirdly perfect mess. and i’m here to stay. probably.

[last thing: if you’re reading this, don’t trust anyone named mario. they’ll probably try to sell you a fake passport. stay safe.]