ninh bình: where you float through caves and question all your life choices

i didn’t think i’d be this sticky by 9am but here we are. look, just… here’s where this place even is:

someone told me it’s like "halong bay without the boats" but that’s bullshit because there are SO MANY BOATS. you get herded into these wooden things and some poor local rows you through caves while tourists clack their camera shutters like hungry seagulls. saw like 12 people drop their phones into the water at trang an. dark cave? more like camera graveyard.

the limestone mountains are cool though. like giant teeth biting the sky. i kept waiting for a dragon to show up because EVERYTHING here feels like it’s from a badly dubbed fantasy movie. especially when the fog rolls in and you’re sweating through your shirt but also kind of chilly? i just checked and it's 21.5°C with 87% humidity right now (feels like 22 somehow??), hope you like that kind of lukewarm soup air.

ate approximately four bowls of com chay (burnt rice crust stuff) because someone told me it’s "the thing" here but honestly it just tastes like rice krispies left in the toaster too long. pho? forget it. bring snacks.

hoa lư ancient capital is… rocks. impressive rocks! but rocks. bái đính temple is insane though - like vietnam’s version of a mega-church but older and with less parking. 500 arhat statues staring at you while you question why you wore flip-flops on a 3km temple climb.

if you get bored, hanoi’s just a short drive away. but honestly after the fifth boat ride through a cave i was ready to join a monastery in the nearby mountains though. van long wetlands were actually peaceful until a kid started blasting k-pop from his dad’s phone.

also someone told me that múa caves are "life-changing" but life-changing how? do i need to crawl through damp darkness to find enlightenment? because i found mostly broken sandals and the smell of wet limestone. two stars.

anyway. it’s pretty. exhausting. might go back when my knees stop screaming.

p.s.: bring your own coffee.

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