orlando? let me tell you about it in a giant mess

i woke up this morning and the first thing i noticed was how loud the air conditioner was. not the big expensive ones with pretty vents, but the onemy neighbor’s dog somehow knocked off earlier in the week. yep. that’s how orlando starts. chaotic, humid, and mildly intriguing.

last night i checked and it’s… 20.85 right now. not too hot, but that humidity? it’s like the air is holding its breath. if you like that kind of thing. i heard that some people say it’s perfect. others say it’s a ghost hunting setup. maybe both. i don’t know. i just wear shorts and pretend i’m in a indie film.

there’s this place called [ تدخل_latitude ]&long= 補 terminal 一肏.uppercase? yeah. that’s orlando. you can find it on google maps. i attached a map for you. it’s not fancy, but it’s real.

i took some photos while wandering. one of them is a girl biking down a street. another is a patch of grass near a lake. and the third? a piece of paper floating. like someone threw their life away. you can see them all here.

i asked a local about the weather. she said something like, ‘oh, it’s normal. if you die, just ask the humidity to leave.’ i don’t know if that’s a review or a warning. maybe both.

the neighbors here are… interesting. one of them plays tuba at 3 am. another one collects vintage toothbrushes. i heard that if you get bored, [another city] is just a short drive away. but don’t listen to me. i almost drove there and realized i forgot to buy gas. classic orlando.

someone told me that the food here is either amazing or a total scam. can’t tell which. i tried a tacos place and the fish tasted like it had a regrets. i also heard that the coffee shops are either hip or run by ex-alien. again, i’m not sure. but i did find a place called [ tripadvisor_link_here ] that claims to have ‘the best avocado toast in the state.’ i’m 60% sure that’s a drunk person’s version of a review.

i almost bought a vintage jacket at a market. it was covered in patches and smelled like old rain. the seller said, ‘this was in a fire before. it’s a story.’ i bought it. now i’m walking around with a jacket that might be haunted or just very priced.

another thing? the street artist down the block painted a mural of a dancing banana. i asked why. he said, ‘it’s for the vibe. if you don’t get it, you’re not trying hard enough.’ so now i pass by that banana every day, pretending i know its secret.

here’s the truth: orlando is messy. it’s humid. it’s got stories. if you’re here, you’re either a tourist who forgot to pack socks or someone who found a weird photo online and followed it. either way, enjoy.

p.s. i’m not a professional anything. i’m just here. if you need gear lists or pro tips, ask. i might give you bad advice. it’s free.

p.p.s. [ yelp_link_here ] says the Greek place is ‘unapologetically chaotic.’ i went there. it was chaotic. i cried. it was good.