remote work reality check: lagos, portugal (without the postcard filters)

there’s a kind of crackling energy here that your screen-sharing coworkers never see. 11°c with humidity so thick it makes your laptop shut down like it’s acting stubborn. good thing the espresso at c monster is strong enough to keep my bad instagram stories live. i’m sitting at that weird café with the hideaways napkins-remember when those were trendy? now they’re just pocket-sized excuses to miss your flight.

people keep staring at me like i’m not the human equivalent of that one song everyone knows but nobody wants to admit they like. maybe it’s the way i’m squinting at the aircon, pretending i’m not just here to microwave filtered panic. neighbors? oh, they’re all tour guides in denial with goldfish tumors. but hey, at least funchal’s hiking trails are a 45-minute drive. cheaper than therapy.

[drunk advice] from last week’s hostel fridge raid: never trust a goat in a minivan. on that note, my coworking space (gigya workouts?) just spilled lava fiberglass on my sleeve. nature’s revenge for using their free pastry. some local warned me about the overpriced truffle fries, though. guess turns out…

looking at you, mercado de lagos. the same stall sells oranges at twice the price and half the freshness. why are you like that? i wish my bank account was that irrational. oh wait, i saw a review claiming the sunset cruise departures were rigged. turns out true. the guy who sold me the life vest stole my sandwich too. happy monday.

[video embed of azores coastline]-me pretending to work. [video embed of lagos market]-where the tuna chirps louder than the wifi. you know you’re in the wrong job when squid actively judges your spelling mistakes. pro tip: the algarve coast is amazing, but don’t book through the one with the suspiciously clean van. my passport’s been drafting a resignation letter since sunrise. this is citylife. where the time zones betray you and the wifi’s slower than grandma’s cable.

🚲 maps.google.com/ (drop pins on all the ruined roofs you accidentally cyclist-clanged into)
☕ yelp.com/lagos-cafe-nerd (#1: keep returning to the same overpriced place because you’ve learned to hate yourself)
🍞 tripadvisordefender.com/gun-roman-nom (airport food that tastes like regret’s inside jokes)