San Juan, Puerto Rico: Sweat, Salsa, and Questionable Street Food (Send Help)
okay, so. san juan. wow. i’m still peeling sunburn off my nose and trying to remember what sleep feels like, but here we are. i’m your friendly neighborhood botanist, and i came here expecting lush rainforests and rare orchids. i got some of that, sure, but mostly i got… heat. and pigeons. and a surprising amount of concrete.
I just checked and it's hovering around 27.87 degrees Celsius right now, with a ‘feels like’ of 27.25. Humidity’s a solid 35%, which basically means you’re walking around in a damp hug all day. The air pressure is 1019, which… i don’t know, sounds important? Anyway, bring a towel. Seriously. Just bring a towel and accept your fate.
I spent most of my time wandering *Old San Juan, which is gorgeous, obviously. All those colorful buildings, the cobblestone streets… it’s postcard perfect. But it’s also packed. Like, shoulder-to-shoulder tourists everywhere. I overheard someone complaining that it felt like disneyworld, but with more pigeons. They weren’t wrong. I did manage to find a few quiet corners in the Santa Maria Cemetery, which was surprisingly peaceful. Lots of interesting headstones, and a decent breeze. If you need a break from the crowds, that’s your spot.
Speaking of breaks, the food. Oh, the food. I tried to be adventurous. I really did. I ate mofongo (delicious!), pastelillos (also delicious!), and… something else. Something from a street vendor that smelled vaguely of fish and regret. I won’t name names. Let’s just say my stomach staged a minor rebellion afterwards. Someone told me that the best food is always found away from the main tourist drags. They were probably right. Check out some reviews on Yelp before you commit to anything too…questionable.
I did a little foraging, naturally. Found some interesting bromeliads growing out of the walls - seriously, these plants are everywhere. And some wild hibiscus flowers. I’m trying to figure out if they’re edible. Don’t quote me on that. I’m a botanist, not a magician. If you're interested in local flora, check out this guide: https://www.puertoricoflora.com/
My neighbors, if you get bored of the city, are Mayagüez and Ponce, both a short drive away. I didn’t make it out there this time, but I’ve heard Ponce has some amazing art deco architecture. Next time, maybe.
I also spent an afternoon at El Yunque National Forest. It was…muddy. Very muddy. And crowded. But the waterfalls were beautiful. I saw a few tiny orchids clinging to the trees, which made the whole experience worthwhile. You can find more information about El Yunque here: https://www.fs.usda.gov/elyunque/.
One thing I learned: don’t trust the pigeons. They’re ruthless. They will steal your food. They will stare you down. They are the true rulers of Old San Juan*. I swear one of them winked at me.
And a final piece of drunk advice I overheard at a bar: “Don’t go to La Concha unless you’re prepared to spend a fortune.” Wise words. Very wise words. TripAdvisor has some good reviews on hotels if you're looking for something a little less…extravagant: https://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotels-g61363-San_Juan_Puerto_Rico-Hotels.html.
Okay, I’m going to go lie down in a dark room and dream of rain. San Juan was…an experience. Would I go back? Maybe. But I’d bring more sunscreen. And a pigeon repellent.
For more on Puerto Rico, check out this local forum: https://www.puertorico-guide.com/
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