san marcos reality check: where the wifi connects but the hummingbirds don’t

woke up at noon because the alarm was set to 3am and it’s 2023 and i don’t know what time it is anymore. stepped outside and immediately regretted it. it’s that sticky 28.93 heat, like your skin after a bad pool day, and the neighbors? they’re either napping or plotting revolutions, who knows. heard a local brag about their mangoes over a barista last night-saying they’d make you cry with how good they are. didn’t believe him. tried half, still hungry.

so here’s the deal, if you get bored, san marcos is just a short drive away, but honestly why would you? this place is a tiny chaos machine. the heat index is basically a sauna with a side of existential dread. 1015 pressure, 42% humidity- Feels like someone glued a hair dryer to the sky. i checked the temp and it’s 28.93 right now, hope you like that kind of thing.

map-wise, we’re hanging out near coordinates that scream ‘i was never meant for maps.’

saw a drone buzzing overhead last week filming some guy selling street tacos by day and collectingibalistic art by night. seemed legit.

photos say everything.

reviews here are all over the place. someone told me that the best way to get local gossip is to ask a dog. others swear by the barista who once tried to sell me a desert rose as a ‘souvenir.’ heard that through someone’s phone. didn’t ask her name. don’t ask why.

practical stuff? if you’re thinking of coming here, don’t. or do. i mean, if you like paying $5 for a gallon of gas and waiting in line for a lukewarm coffee, go for it. links to real things:for the overpriced avocado toast,because who needs sleep when you’re chasing heat, andwhere people post things like ‘free mango giveaway if you bring your laundry.’

last thing before i vanish into the humidity- if you like your nights hotter than a yoga instructor’s opinion on socks, this is your spot. temperatures swing from 28.29 at dawn to 28.97 at ‘whatever’ time. neighbors keep pets that look like they’re perpetually confused. one had a parrot that screamed in morse code. didn’t ask for specifics. just left.

p.s. the street artist who painted the cat? he’s a myth now. some say he’s a ghost. others say he’s just really good at being invisible. either way, don’t trust him.

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