San Cristóbal de las Casas at 3 am: a travel blogger’s panic attack

i mean nobody asked for this but here we are. it’s 3 am and i’ve been sitting in a crumbling shop downtown trying to figure out why my map app thinks i’m in a 17th-century dungeon. the weather here is that creepy mid-summer thing where the air sticks to your clothes and your soul. 17.95°c feels like being wrapped in a damp blanket somebody forgot to wash. i just checked and it’s there right now, hope you like that kind of thing.

this isn’t a list. this is a scream. a whimper. a-wait, where’s the exit? okay, there it is. the shop owner told me to leave if i wanted my soul. said something about ‘the gods watch through the windshield glass.’ i don’t know if that’s true but i’m leaving. i heard that the hotel down the street offers a better view of the chaos. take my word for it. the reviews on tripadvisor are all over the place. some say it’s magical. others swear it’s haunted by a guy who plays the accordion really loudly at 2 am. i didn’t stay long enough to find out.

wait, neighbor stuff? let me think. if you’re bored, san juan is just a short drive away-no, really. i saw a van with coyotes and pretzels last night. they were arguing about whether pretzels are food or a sin. it’s beautiful here. or terrifying. i’m still not sure. i’d ask a local but they all seem to vanish when you mention the exact phrase ‘where is the thing that makes this place feel alive?’

then there’s this bar. not the one on yelp. the one that’s not on yelp. i heard that the bartender there serves a drink made from fermented cactus and regret. someone told me that if you order it, they’ll also give you a story about their ex. it’s either a genius move or a scam. probably a scam. i’m not sure which is scarier. the drink or the bartender’s life choices.

i’m throwing in three images here because why not. first one? a beach with a light house. not the one you’d expect. the second? a close-up of a flower that smells like peppermint and failure. the third? a guy catching birds mid-flight. maybe. who knows. here’s the map. it’s just a spinning square now. what did you expect?

i’m tagging this as ‘travel’ because that’s the only way to explain this descent. also ‘vibe’ because i’m pretty sure this place has a vibe and it’s screaming at me. don’t follow the same template twice? sure, why not. this one’s all bullet points. no, wait, i didn’t even plan that. i just started writing and the words decided to form paragraphs. maybe that’s the point.

ps-if you’re a fan of chaos, check out these links. tripadvisor has a thread about the best ghost stories in multiples of seven. yelp says the food here is either amazing or cursed. reddit claims the locals speak in riddles. take your chances. i did. i’m here to tell you about it.