Shivamogga Shenanigans: A Sleep-Deprived Chef's Spice Trail

i'm a chef who's been crashing on couches and eating street food for the last three years, and i still haven't gotten used to the humidity in *shivamogga. the air's so thick you could ladle it into a bowl. i just checked my phone and it's sitting at 19.93°c, but the humidity's 86%-seriously, it's like i'm simmering in a low‑grade broth. that's not a complaint though; it makes the dosa batter ferment in, like, two hours. perfect for when you forget to plan ahead, which is every day for me. i should probably show you where this humidity bomb is dropping:

yeah, that's the spot. i'm perched in a tiny café that doubles as a spice trading post at night. the owner, ramu, says the monsoon hasn't even started yet. wait, did i say 86%? that's just the average. try 96% at midnight. anyway. the city itself is a maze of alleys that smell like curry leaves and jackfruit. if you get bored of shivamogga's endless idli variations, mangalore's a short drive west where you can get seafood that's still floppin'. i tried to get there but my auto driver spent twenty minutes arguing with a goat in the middle of the road. classic. speaking of drivers, i got a weird tip from one. he scribbled two numbers on a napkin: 1276321 and 1356466241. he said, 'these are the coordinates for the best mango crop this season.' i thought he meant gps, but 13.566... not matching anything on my map. maybe it's a code for the wholesale market where you get the sweetest ratnagiri alphonsos for less than a rupee. i followed the first number to a lane that dead‑ended at a temple. the second number turned out to be the license plate of a bike that delivered me a basket of chili powders. i'm not sure if i believe him, but the chili was fire. now, let's talk food. you can't come here without trying bisi bele bath. it's a mess of rice, lentils, veggies, and a masala that takes three days to make. i found a family that's been cooking the same batch since 1978. i'm not kidding-they say the pot never cools. someone told me that the secret is adding a pinch of jaggery at the exact moment the asafoetida hits the oil. i heard that from a drunk uncle at a wedding, so take that with a grain of salt (or a handful). i also spent a morning at the coffee auctions. if you think coffee's just coffee, you're wrong. the beans here are grown in the shadow of the western ghats, and the humidity gives them a chocolatey note you don't get in colombia. i learned that the ideal brew temperature is 92°c, but with our humidity, you need to grind a second finer. that's the kind of pro‑tip you won't find on yelp. speaking of yelp, i saw a review for a place called 'annapurna kitchen' that claimed their puri was 'crisp enough to hear your soul crunch.' i had to try it. the puri was indeed crisp, but the soul‑crunch might've been the calcium deficiency. anyway, it's good.

that's a bowl of bisi bele bath i shoveled down last tuesday. note the color: it should be somewhere between paprika and sunburn. if it's green, you've been duped. oh! i almost forgot the filter coffee. every shop has a metal tumbler that's been used since the british left. i tried one at 'ramesh coffee' that had a two‑hour wait just for the foam. someone told me they sometimes slip a shot of espresso in there to keep the tourists awake. scandalous.

i keep hearing whispers about a chef who only cooks with fermented bamboo shoots. he's supposedly hiding in the hills near coorg. i tried to find him, but every road sign was covered in moss. that might've been the bamboo shoot guy's doing. i'll leave it as a mystery. anyway, i'm typing this on a phone that's about to die, and my room smells like turmeric and regret. i should probably sleep, but i've got a date with a street‑food stall that supposedly serves a vada* so good it makes you forget your name. i'll let you know if the number 1356466241 works as a shortcut to the stall? only one way to find out. quick links if you're planning a trip: the best dosa map on tripadvisor yelp's overrated list for shivamogga karnataka food forum's secret eats thread and a random blog that once mentioned the two numbers i keep harping about peace out, and don't forget to hydrate. the humidity'll get you every time.