the frozen lake soundcheck that never ended
the wind howled like a banshee through the tent flap. i fumbled with the capo, my fingers numb, wondering if the venue’s "heated room" was just a construction helmet left in the sun. the thermostat in here reads -23 but feels like -40, so i’m basically a frozen popsicle. the acoustics are worse-echoes ricochet off the frozen lake behind us, making it sound like we’re playing inside a tin can. someone told me yesterday that last year’s band here had a soundcheck disaster involving a trombone and a frozen lake. guess that’s the local folklore now.
we’re parked near the edge of town, where the road to nowhere meets a parking lot with four cars total. if you get bored, -wait, where is here? the sign says “Bienvenue” in peeling blue letters, but i’m 90% sure we’re in a fictional subplot from a global warming documentary. the gravel lot creaks under the weight of our kit, and the owner’s giving us a discount on generators because “he’ll be right back from the sauna” is his full-time gig.
-so,i might’ve accidentally booked a stage at a gas station. the walls are paneled with moss and the restroom has a sign that reads “NoEntry” in permanent sharpie. customer reviews on TripAdvisor say “charming for a fuel stop” which is peak irony since the price for a coffee is 12 euros. and the owner’s cat, who judges me harder than a sound engineer, named himself “Siege” after that foolish protest in 2017. maybe he’s onto us.
i tried photographing the sunset over the lake but the sky was a solid gray of regret. the local children are nearby-three of them-throwing snowballs at a drying rack of fish. they’re like tiny, determined trilobites. somewhere, a diesel truck idles outside. it smells of gridlock and regret. check out the reviews:
https://www.tripadvisor.com- which says “great vibes, poor ventilation”
https://www.yelp.fr- where someone complained about the wall art being “two taxidermied squirrels mid-argue”
https://localtourismboard.pages.dev- which lists “explore the frozen fjords” next to a “warning: 200px avalanches” sign.
the crowd arrives, a squad of thrill-seekers in puffin skins and puffin haters. contrasts! a man in a fur vest 12 layers deep buys a 50 euro vodka tonic and insists the acoustics “were totally good” while his teeth chatter in time with the microphone. these people are a class act. the setlist is a mess and so are my vocals, but hey-it’s cold out, so why not? the temperature here’s stuck at -8 since dawn. forecast says it’ll never, ever rise. hope you like that kind of thing.
img src="https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1606337223403-4c476df2fb7f?crop=entropy\&cs=tinysrgb\&fit=max\&fm=jpg\&w=1080\&q=80" alt="city skyline across body of water during daytime" width="100%"
img src="https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1662372131508-98e174e5ffc0?crop=entropy\&cs=tinysrgb\&fit=max\&fm=jpg\&w=1080\&q=80" alt="a sailboat in the water" width="100%"
img src="https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1666161798306-138f3a3c1e01?crop=entropy\&cs=tinysrgb\&fit=max\&fm=jpg\&w=1080\&q=80" alt="a group of animals in a field" width="100%
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