The Future of Yaoundé: Upcoming Infrastructure and Projects

so i was scrolling through this local yaoundé next door facebook group last night and a guy posted about that new bridge thing connecting p Gemälde and the park. like, why is everyone suddenly talking about infrastructure when it’s 3pm and the electricity just cut out again? maybe it’s a cover for something?

yaoundé’s future feels like a leftover meatloaf at 2am. half-governed, half-neglected. but there are projects eating at the edges. like that rail system they announced years ago. rumors say it’s 80% complete but the last i heard, the only thing running is a broken monorail cart on the side of the road. you know, the one that occasionally bursts into flames.


but let’s spitball some data. i hate doing this, but here goes nothing. rent in the central area? somewhere between $400 and $600 for a 1br apartment. not including that 20% black market fee for plumbing fixes. safety? moderate. avoid the old neighborhoods after dark. job market? tech roles are popping up, especially at that new co-working space downtown. but salaries? forget it. you’ll either farm on craigslist for 300k CFA francs a month or become a street vendor selling ndolé.


this is boring. let me tell you about the overheard gossip. last week at the marché, some guy was yapping to a woman about the new tech park near IFAN. he said it’s gonna be a goldmine. the developer even offered free co-working space if you sign up now. but the women kept whispering ‘mirage’ in his direction. maybe he’s just milking that for every CFA franc.


speaking of mirages, i just got an email from a friend who’s a construction contractor. he said they’re building a new hospital in Mvan. which, okay, sounds good. but then he lied about his own project last year. so yeah, trust no one. including the government. they promised a water system upgrade last month. no sign of it. still drinking bottled water that tastes like motor oil.



here’s the thing about yaoundé’s future-it’s all over the place. one day they announce a futuriste skyscraper, next they’re bulldozing part of the central market. the weather’s messing with everything too. this week it’s been 95°f with 80% humidity. next week, 70°f with sand in your shoes. my neighbor’s cat died last night. heatstroke, probably. i buried it in my backyard. it’s now my mom’s new security system.



let’s talk about that bridge project again. the facebook post had a map. i checked it. it’s never gonna happen. unless they spray-paint it on a wall somewhere. i saw a villager last week carrying a fake blueprint. he claimed it was for the bridge. when i asked where it was, he pointed to a tree. it was just a stick with some string tied to it. creativity? no. desperation.



so here’s what i think. yaoundé’s future is like a bad drama. everyone’s playing their part but no one knows the script. the data’s real, but it’s all over the place. rent’s gonna rise. infrastructure’s gonna stall. maybe a tech boom will fix it? maybe not. i saw a screenshot from a yelp review of a new ‘smart city’ project. the caption said ‘polish my shoes if you want to live here.’ that’s not bad advice.



anyway, here’s the map.

. i put it here because i don’t know if this place will exist in 10 years. or if the google map will even have anything to do with yaoundé then.



some img tags here.

< img src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1659947234309-804b7fa01cf2?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&w=1080&q=80" alt="a busy street with cars and people" width="100%">. those pictures look like they’re from a movie set. maybe someone is filming a fictional yaoundé right now. i’d invest in that. sell it on itunes.



i talked to a local worker last week. he said the new airport expansion is a scam. they’re just moving planes around. no new slots. my friend, a tourism blogger, thinks they’re building a hotel for tourists. i said, ‘why?’ he said, ‘because yaoundé wants to pretend it’s a destination.’ who am i to argue. i’d rather pretend and drink some cafebene.



here’s a random tripadvisor link. Yaoundé Hotels on TripAdvisor. you know what? skip it. just walk around and assume every place is a front for something else.



another link to a subreddit. r/Yaounde. it’s mostly people complaining about traffic. which is fair. i tried to take a bus yesterday and it got stuck in a ditch. the driver yelled ‘this is not a zombie apocalypse’ like it was a joke.



here’s a yelp link for a place called Le Jardin. Le Jardin on Yelp. it’s a restaurant. i ate there once. the owner was arguing with a waiter about the price of a plate ofSUI. su i is the local meat. it was $12. which is a lot. i left a drunk review. said it was the best thing i’ve ever eaten. then deleted it. maybe i was high. or maybe it really was good.



so that’s yaoundé’s future. a mix of chaos and hope. maybe. maybe not. i’ll keep an eye on that bridge project. if they start painting it blue, i’m leaving.



p.s. if you scroll down this post, there’s an image of a busy street. it might be yellow. i didn’t check.

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