Winnipeg: Frozen Static and Really Bad Coffee
okay, so i’m pretty sure i’m running on fumes and regret. 1497337… that’s the timestamp on my phone, which is currently displaying a picture of a frozen puddle. 1643832764 - that’s the time i last successfully made a cup of coffee. it was a disaster. the temperature is… well, let’s just say it’s -37.02 feels like -37.02. the pressure’s 1037, humidity’s 95, sea level’s 1037, and ground level is 1025. basically, it’s a solid, beautiful, soul-crushing arctic blast. i’m in Winnipeg, Manitoba, and honestly, it’s… something.
I rolled up here on a whim, chasing a rumor about a vintage record store that supposedly has a crate of Sun Ra. it’s a long shot, but hey, a guy’s gotta have a dream, right? the whole city feels like a slightly off-key synth track - a lot of grey, a lot of quiet, and a surprising amount of surprisingly aggressive snow sculptures.
First things first: layers. like, serious layers. i’m talking thermal underwear, wool socks, a parka that could probably house a family of arctic foxes, and gloves that are basically oven mitts. i’m rocking a thrift store find - a bright orange puffer jacket that screams ‘i regret everything’ but keeps me alive. it’s a vibe.
I spent the morning wandering around the Forks, the historic meeting place of the Red and Assiniboine Rivers. it’s… functional. there’s a market, some restaurants, and a whole lot of people huddled around outdoor heaters. someone told me that the bison burgers at The Forks are legendary, but i’m skeptical. i heard that they’re mostly hype. i’m sticking with hot chocolate.
Speaking of food, the coffee here is… an experience. let’s just say it’s not winning any awards. i tried a place called ‘The Daily Grind’ - it was dark, smelled vaguely of burnt rubber, and the barista looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. i just checked and it's...there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. i’m seriously considering investing in a portable espresso machine. or maybe just moving to a warmer climate.
I stumbled across a street art alley near Osborne Village - it’s a chaotic explosion of color and spray paint. some of it’s amazing, some of it’s… questionable. it’s a good place to just wander and get lost.
I’m staying in a tiny Airbnb - it’s basically a glorified closet with a futon. the host, a guy named Dale, left me a note saying, "Don’t touch the thermostat. Seriously." which is… helpful. if you get bored, Calgary is just a short drive away.
I overheard some locals at a bar (the Exchange Pub - it’s surprisingly lively) talking about a ghost haunting the Manitoba Legislative Building. apparently, it’s the spirit of a former Premier who died suddenly. someone told me that he still wanders the halls, searching for his lost cufflinks. i’m not saying i believe it, but i’m definitely keeping my eyes peeled.
Gear List (because someone needs to keep track of this chaos):
Seriously warm parka (essential)
Thermal underwear (duh)
Wool socks (multiple pairs)
Gloves (multiple pairs - oven mitts recommended)
Hat (a really, really warm hat)
Hand warmers (because you’ll need them)
Camera (for documenting the misery - and the occasional beauty)
Portable charger (because my phone is dying)
* A healthy dose of cynicism
I’m heading out to explore the Canadian Museum for Human Rights now. it looks… imposing. i’m hoping it’s less depressing than the weather.
Seriously, if you’re looking for sunshine and beaches, this isn’t the place. but if you’re into a quiet, slightly unsettling, and undeniably cold experience, Winnipeg might just surprise you. check out TripAdvisor for some decent restaurant recommendations (though I still stand by my skepticism about the bison burgers). And Yelp for local events - there’s always something happening, even if it’s just a snow sculpture competition. I’m off to find another cup of coffee (wish me luck).