birmingham schools: a ghost hunter's guide to grades and ghosts

so, i'm a ghost hunter who usually deals with cold spots and evp, not catchment areas. but when my cousin asked about schools in birmingham for her daughter, i had to put down the spirit box and pick up the school guide. here's the raw, unfiltered take from someone who's spent nights in school basements listening for whispers.

i met baz, a brummie who's lived in birmingham for 50 years, at a cafe that's seen better days. we ordered tea that tasted like regret and got into it.

*q: baz, what are the best public and private schools in this city?

a: baz leaned in, his voice low. 'king edward's for private,' he said. 'it's the old money school, fees around £15k a year. state-wise, camp hill school for girls is elite, and for boys, bishop vesey's grammar if you pass the 11-plus. but catchment areas are everything. live one street out, and you're in a different school.'

we crunched numbers. 'rent's a nightmare,' baz said. 'average rent in birmingham is about £1,100 a month, but in good school areas like edgbaston or moorside, it's £1,500+. safety? camp hill area is low crime, but small heath has issues. i heard from a copper that small heath has gang problems, but the school, small heath school, has a good headteacher trying to turn it around.'

q: job market? can families survive?

a: 'birmingham's job market is okay,' baz shrugged. 'finance in the city, manufacturing in the suburbs. average salary around £32k. but with rent so high and school costs, many families are living paycheck to paycheck. unemployment is about 5% city-wide, but in areas like Aston or erdington, it's closer to 8% or 9%. it's a struggle.'

i pulled out my phone to show the map. 'here's birmingham's layout:'

. 'see how spread out it is? you pretty much need a car unless you're near a train station. and traffic? don't get me started.'

q: since you're a ghost hunter, any haunted schools?

a: my ears perked up. 'oh, absolutely. king edward's old building on new street is rumored to be haunted by a headmaster from the 1800s who still checks homework. i did an evp session and caught a whisper: 'essay due.' spooky? maybe. but some state schools too, like aston academy's old wing, have cold spots and voices. locals say it's a student who failed his gcses and never left. i've felt a presence there, but that could just be the damp.'

q: weather and neighbors?

a: 'it's pissing down right now, as usual. birmingham weather: grey, damp, and unpredictable. but just a short train ride to london (2 hours) where it's supposedly sunnier, or to the cotswolds (1 hour drive) for actual countryside. neighbors? coventry is next door but lacks personality, wolverhampton has the wolves football team but not much else. birmingham's got its own gritty charm, take it or leave it.'

after that, i showed him the first image:

. 'this building reminds me of king edward's architecture - all circles and secrets.'

q: what about diversity and special needs?

a: 'birmingham is incredibly diverse. some schools are 90% bme, others are predominantly white. it varies by area. for special needs, there are schools like sutton school, but places are limited and getting an ehcp (education, health and care plan) is a bureaucratic nightmare. prepare for meetings and paperwork.'

q: any schools to avoid or hidden gems?

a: 'avoid schools with ofsted ratings of 'inadequate' or 'requires improvement.' but also, listen to the gossip. i heard from a mum at the school gates that some schools in the city center have high turnover due to refugee families, which can be challenging but also enriching. hidden gem? perhaps the international school of birmingham, but it's pricey. or some academy converters like waterloo road academy - yeah, that's a real school, not just a tv show.'

q: transport for kids?

a: 'birmingham's bus network is okay but unreliable. many kids walk if they're close. otherwise, parents drive or use school buses. traffic at school run times is mental, so plan your route. and cycling? some schools have bike racks, but with the hills and rain, not many kids cycle.'

then i showed the second image:

. 'this is birmingham after dark - cars, high rises, and probably a ghost or two on the streets.'

q: final advice for parents moving here?

a:* 'check ofsted reports, but also visit the schools. talk to current parents at the gates. join the birmingham subreddit for real, unfiltered opinions. Birmingham Subreddit read yelp reviews of school canteens - some are comedy gold. Yelp Private Schools and tripadvisor has reviews of school trip venues if you're into that. TripAdvisor Family Activities but most importantly, consider the catchment area. one street can make all the difference. and maybe, just maybe, hire a ghost hunter to check for spirits. or don't, if you're skeptical. but in birmingham, you never know.'

we left the cafe, rain still falling. 'oh, and baz, one last thing - what about the best school for a kid who loves ghosts?' he laughed. 'king edward's, probably. they've got the history for it.'

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