frostbite and forgotten lyrics: poughkeepsie, you weirdo
okay, seriously, i’m writing this huddled in a greasy spoon diner called ‘the blue moon’ - it smells vaguely of burnt coffee and regret, which is pretty much my aesthetic these days. 5107760… that’s the number of cigarettes i’ve smoked since i landed. 1840005293… that’s the number of times i’ve mumbled a song lyric to myself and then immediately forgotten it. it’s a pattern, i think. a beautiful, depressing pattern.
this trip… it started as a ‘find myself’ thing, you know? a desperate attempt to shake off the dust of a failed album and a whole lot of self-pity. poughkeepsie, new york, wasn’t exactly on my radar. i just kinda… ended up here. a cancelled flight, a missed connection, and a surprisingly cheap motel room. and honestly? it’s…fine. it’s not good, not in the way i’d hoped, but it’s…something.
the weather is actively trying to kill me. i just checked and it's...there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. it’s clinging to 988 feels-like, which is basically arctic tundra in my brain. i’m pretty sure my fingers are permanently fused to my keyboard. i’m wearing three layers of sweaters and still shivering. i saw a guy outside wearing a full snowsuit. a full snowsuit. it was… unsettling.
i spent the morning wandering around the waterfront. it’s… underwhelming. a few old warehouses, a depressing-looking pier, and a lot of pigeons. i checked out TripAdvisor and someone told me that the ‘Poughkeepsie Maritime Museum’ is “surprisingly decent.” i’m skeptical, but i might check it out later. i need something to distract me from the existential dread.
i’m staying at the ‘colonial inn,’ which is… well, it’s an inn. it’s clean, i guess. the walls are paper-thin, and i’m pretty sure i heard someone arguing about taxes last night. if you get bored, hudson, new york, is just a short drive away. i heard that they have a really good farmers market on Saturdays. maybe i’ll brave the cold for that.
i’m trying to write, but my brain feels like scrambled eggs. i keep getting distracted by the rain and the cold and the overwhelming feeling that i’m completely and utterly lost. i’m not even sure why i’m here. i just… am. i’m chasing a ghost, i think. the ghost of a song i used to write, a life i used to have. it’s a frustrating, exhausting pursuit.
someone told me that the ‘dyer falls’ are worth seeing, but i haven’t had the energy to go yet. it’s a bit of a trek, apparently. i’m prioritizing survival at this point. i’m fueled by lukewarm coffee and the faint hope that maybe, just maybe, i’ll stumble upon something worthwhile.
i’m seriously considering just buying a bus ticket and going home. but then i’d have to face the fact that i’m a failure. and honestly, i’m not sure i’m strong enough for that right now.
check out the local tourism board for more info: https://www.poughkeepsie.gov/
and for a little more local color: https://www.yelp.com/
okay, i’m going to go stare at the rain now. maybe it will inspire something. or maybe it will just remind me how cold i am.
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