grand cayman isn’t a postcard, it’s a window: let me show you how to crack it

you ever arrive somewhere and feel like the place is whispering secrets only locals know? grand cayman delivered. i’m sitting on a creaky beach chair here, sipping lukewarm coffee that’s probably older than my ex’s apologies. the air tastes like salt and regret, which is weird because it’s 22.85 celsius right now, hope you like that kind of thing. the digital nomad in me is forced to work from this chair because the wifi is either genius or a conspiracy.

so here’s the deal. i didn’t come here for postcards. i came because a drunk guy at a hostel told me the true cayman was hidden in zumba bay. turns out, he was lying. or maybe he was telling the truth. i heard that from a woman at a taco stand who also swore the local guy at giannal’s rum bar serves the best coconut water. i’m not sure which one to believe.

the weather here is…LAGUNAR emperador. that’s not a real place, but it feels like it. 22.85 celsius, 55% humidity, and a pressure system that seems to hum whenever a seagull screams nearby. feels like the moon is judging me, honestly. or maybe it’s just the temperature. either way, it’s constant. nothing changes. which is great if you like routine. or terrible if you like surprises.

now, about the neighbors. yeah, there are them. they’re not people exactly. more like a vibe. if you get bored, cayman brac and little cayman are just a short drive away. i drove there once and realized i’d forgotten why i love cars. the road was this weird mix of gravel and existential dread. but hey, the ocean is always there. it never lies. unless it’s a nasty wave, which it was last week.

let me tell you about the reviews. i mean, the gossip. this happened when i was at a dive bar called sub Rosa. a guy in a speedo said, “someone told me that the marine park here is overrun with tourists. another person swore it’s run by a ghost who hates snorkelers.” i don’t know who to trust. i heard that from a sober stranger, which is enough for me.

here’s the map if you’re too lazy to navigate:

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