Ho Chi Minh City: That Time I Broke My Backpack and a Few Local Laws

i didn’t plan for this kind of chaos. i was supposed to just chill by the river, take pics of street food, and maybe get lost in some alleyway. but ho chi minh city doesn’t play fair. first off, it’s hot. like, 32.41c right now and the humidity is trying to peel my skin off. i checked and yes, there it is-literally, the city is sweating into my shorts. if you’re not into saunas, hope you like that kind of thing.

last night, i tried to navigate the cyclo lanes without a map app. i got five turns wrong. i ended up in a place where a guy was painting a giant abstract mural of a dragon. i asked if he wanted to model for me and he yelled something about tax evasion. wasn’t sure if he was mad or just drunk. probably both. anyway, i snapped a few shots. they’re noisy, overexposed, and probably not Instagram-worthy. but here, take a look:

now, about the neighbors. this city has this vibe where everyone’s either underground in a secret loft or outdoor in a market. i heard that if you get bored, the delta regions are just a short drive away. i didn’t go, but i did steal a seltzer from a convenience store. not smart, but hey, someone told me that the locals drink it for energy. maybe true? who knows.

reviews here are wild. i overheard a tourist shout at a night market vendor about ‘fake pho’ and then five minutes later bought a bubble tea from the same cart. another person warned me that the sleepy street near the museum has cursed energy. i didn’t believe them. until i woke up in a puddle of coffee after a water buffalo stampeded. okay, maybe i hallucinated the buffalo part. either way, don’t walk that street after midnight.

someone on tripadvisor wrote that the city’s best burger is in a place called ‘the forbidden plate.’ i went. it was a food truck run by a guy in a foil suit. he charged 50,000 vnd and handed me a burger so greasy it probably had a will. i wrote a 1-star review but deleted it after. they’re all very mindful of the vibe here.

i’m not sure who i am anymore. slept 3 hours, faceted 7 lessons about local customs i didn’t absorb, and now i’m writing this while someone outside is playing a violin at 3am. if you’re into that? cool. if not? maybe bring earplugs. or a lid for your head.

i linked to yelp for burger reviews: bonus.vn
I found a map for cyclo rentals: hochisearch
Check taxi hacks on tripadvisor: [tripadvisor link]

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