how i found an apartment in chiang mai without getting my ass kicked (and other lies i tell myself)
ok so you’re here. you’ve watched the instagram reels, read the 17 ‘perfect nomad guide’ blogs, and now you’re standing in front of a 2-story shophouse with a ‘for rent’ sign written in three languages and one of them looks like Thai fallback fonts from 2012. congrats. you’re in chiang mai. and no, the landlord won’t let you pay in usd. he’ll take baht, bitcoin, or your firstborn. pick one.
i came here thinking ‘coffee, temples, chill vibes.’ ended up sleeping on a couch in a 7/11 alley for three nights because the guy who ‘guaranteed’ me the ‘ideal studio with internet and a bathtub’ vanished after i wired him 15,000 baht. course he was gone before dawn. and yes, the ‘bathtub’ was a plastic storage bin with a hose taped to it. lesson learned: if the landlord says ‘i’m out of town, my cousin will show you’ - run. run like your life depends on it. because it does.
here’s what actually works:
- DON’T trust any apartment listing posted on facebook marketplace that has fewer than 10 comments. if it’s got 3 photos and says ‘urgent, today only!’ - it’s a trap.
- go to the corner shop near san kploating (the one with the guy who sells sticky rice and a dog that stares into your soul) and ask about rentals. they’ll know who’s shady.
- check the water bill history. if the landlord says ‘oh, it’s included’ - ask to see last month’s bill. if he hesitates, walk away. we’ve had people get billed 7,000 baht for water and electricity because the meter was ‘accidentally’ linked to 5 other units.
- talk to the Thai neighbor. not the one who smiles too hard. the one making tea on the balcony. they’ll tell you if the wifi’s bs or if the building’s haunted. (spoiler: most are haunted. chiang mai’s got more ghosts than spiced lattes.)
this is what the numbers actually look like (real data, stripped bare):
| Rent Range (studio) | Avg. Monthly Internet | Water/Power (avg) | Food (street food daily) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 5,000-12,000 baht | 800-1,200 baht | 1,500-3,000 baht | 150-250 baht/day |
source: data scraped from thai rental boards + 17 drunken convos at fon tani.
down south of the moat, it’s cheaper. up north near nimman? fuck you, you wanna pay rent in italian velvet and matching ethos?
overheard at lotus market:
> ‘i counted 3 landlords who changed their number after the 3rd tenant filed a police report.’ - ali, 27, tattoo artist who swears he saw a ghost in the bathtub.
> ‘if the apartment has a 4-wheeled scooter parked next to it? rent it. if it’s a motorcycle? plot twist: the landlord still lives inside.’ - somchai’s cousin, who everyone says never leaves his room.
you won’t find this in the guesstimated ‘budget nomad’ posts, but here’s the truth: the ‘best’ internet is in building 4 on soi 22 in hong sae. you have to bribe the security guy with a bag of chia seeds and a promise to never talk about how loud his dog is. link: r/chiangmai - read the 2023 thread titled ‘ghost landlord? yes, really.’
the weather? right now it’s ‘hot scrunch’ - like sitting in a steamed rice bag that was left outside for 3 hours. the humidity doesn’t make you sweat, it makes you feel like your skin’s being photoshopped to 120% opacity. it’s 7am, and it already feels like 3pm.
if you’re feeling haunted by rent, hop on a 2-hour tuk-tuk to pai. or a 40-min flight to luang prabang. both cheaper, weirder, and full of people who’ve been scammed too.
real tip: go to the chiang mai expat fair at the museum of world insects (yes, that’s a real thing). go on friday. bring snacks. say ‘i’m here to learn’ - even if you’re just there for the free papaya salad. link: tripadvisor chiang mai rentals
also, bookmark this: yelp chiang mai rentals - don’t trust the 5-star reviews. look for the 2-stars with 14 paragraphs of emotional breakdowns. those are gold.
and one last thing: never give your passport copy unless you have a signed contract in thai with a witness. i know a guy who lost his job, got scammed out of a laptop, and was then accused of stealing a coconut from a temple. it’s been 14 months. he’s still not sure what happened.
you’re not crazy. you’re just early. most people find their place after they stop trying so hard. and start asking the local who sells squid skewers if the landlord’s done this before.
he’ll nod. and offer you a cold singha. and that’s your real key.
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- https://topiclo.com/post/tokyo-when-the-weather-feels-like-its-mocking-you
- https://topiclo.com/post/bangalore-where-the-coffee-is-strong-and-the-traffic-is-stronger