ironvale’s coffee crisis: too cold for good caffeine
i wasn’t expecting this when i signed up for the ironvale winter trip. the minute i stepped out of the hostel, my face started icing. literally. my cheeks were cold, my breath was a visible cloud, and the wind felt like it was trying to shove a snowplow into my lungs. checked the app again, and it’s still -2.17 degrees. not the vibe i signed up for.
my first goal was to find a good coffee shop. ironvale’s known for its hipster vibe, right? wrong. i asked three people where to get a decent latte. first reply: ‘uh, the one with the cracked wall outside?’ second: ‘they use iced water, man.’ third: ‘just don’t bother.’ but somehow, i ended up at brew-haus. it’s tiny, smells like burnt espresso, and the owner, a woman in a patched beanie, looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. but here was the good news: the coffee was actually hot. sadly, it tasted like rust.
someone told me that brew-haus only makes pour-overs after 10 am. i didn’t believe it. i asked again. they shrugged. i stayed until 9:55, scribbled down the time, and convinced myself it was 10. when i finally left, the coffee was lukewarm. and tasted like rust.
the cold isn’t just outside. it’s seeping into the street vibes. i walked past a diner where a group of tourists were shivering under a blanket, eating lukewarm fries. the owner, a guy in a bundt cake apron, kept muttering about his grandma’s welding torch.
if you get bored, the big cities are just a short drive away. i mean, ironvale’s basically a snow fort compared to helsinki or oslo. maybe that’s the point? i’m not sure.
heard rumors about a secret heat source in the old library. someone said they saw a janitor pushing a space heater through the back door. i didn’t check. probably a lie.
last night, i took a photo of a street performer playing a broken accordion. the image somehow got posted on unsplash twice. the first time, it was titled ‘loneliness in ironvale.’ the second time, ‘accidental art.’ here they are:
i also tried to find a local review site but gave up. every link was either a yelp clone with zero reviews or a tripadvisor full of one-star rants about the ‘terrible coffee culture.’ one blogger wrote, ‘ironvale needs a hotline for bad weather and bad coffee.’ valid.
someone once told me ironvale’s charm is in its absurdity. i’m not sure. my face is frozen, my coffee is lukewarm, and i’m questioning every life choice that led me here.
but hey, if you’re a coffee snob like me, maybe there’s hope. i heard a rumor about a new place opening-iron-roast. supposed to use beans from finland. i’m booking a one-way ticket just to check it out.
links:
- tripadvisor for ironvale coffee co
- yelp for frosty bites diner
- local board for winter festival
p.s. if you like -8 feels like temperatures, come find me. i’ll trade you my cursed thermos for a hot beverage.
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