Oslo’s a Blur: Frozen Fingers and Fishy Rumors
okay, so i’m pretty sure i’m running on fumes and lukewarm coffee. 520494… 1643992310. that’s the timestamp of my brain cells deciding to take a permanent vacation. i landed in oslo yesterday, and honestly, it’s… intense. the weather is like, aggressively gray. i just checked and it's...there right now, hope you like that kind of thing. 981 pressure, 85 humidity - feels like you’re wrapped in a damp wool blanket that’s judging your life choices.
i was aiming for a chill Scandinavian experience, you know? hygge, fjords, maybe some reindeer. what i got was a city that smells faintly of smoked fish and existential dread. it’s… a lot. i’m staying in this tiny hostel near Grünerløkka - it’s basically a glorified broom closet, but the guy who runs it, Bjorn, keeps offering me pickled herring. i politely declined. twice.
I spent the morning wandering around, mostly just trying to avoid eye contact. the architecture is… brutalist. like, seriously brutal. lots of concrete and sharp angles. it’s not exactly inviting. i stumbled upon this amazing little record store, though - ‘Vinyl Vibes’ - and scored a copy of some obscure Norwegian black metal band. worth the sensory overload, honestly.
Someone told me that the Munch Museum is a must-see, but also that it’s packed with tourists and overpriced coffee. i’m leaning towards skipping it. i’m operating on a ‘minimal effort, maximum caffeine’ strategy at this point.
I overheard some locals at a bar - they were pretty hammered, naturally - talking about a hidden speakeasy called ‘The Serpent’s Coil.’ Apparently, it’s only open on Tuesdays and requires a password. they wouldn’t tell me the password, of course. just kept repeating, "it’s a secret!" like, duh.
Let’s talk gear, because i’m a professional mess. my backpack is currently overflowing with socks, half-eaten granola bars, and a surprisingly large collection of rubber duckies. i swear, i don’t even like rubber duckies. but they’re good for morale.
Gear List (because why not?):
Waterproof jacket (essential, obviously)
Noise-canceling headphones (for escaping the existential dread)
Portable charger (because my phone battery dies faster than my hopes and dreams)
Sketchbook and pencils (i’m trying to capture the bleak beauty of oslo, but i’m mostly drawing rubber duckies)
A very large supply of ibuprofen
I heard that the Vigeland Sculpture Park is beautiful, but also that it’s full of naked people. i’m not sure i’m emotionally prepared for that. i’m already operating on a deficit.
If you get bored, Bergen and Trondheim are just a short drive away. they seem… colder.
I’m seriously considering just buying a one-way ticket and disappearing into the Norwegian wilderness. or maybe just ordering a pizza and binge-watching documentaries about penguins. either way, i need a nap. and possibly a therapist.
Check out TripAdvisor for some decent restaurant recommendations: https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurants-g190445-Oslo.html
And for some local events, Yelp is your friend: https://www.yelp.com/events/oslo-norway
I also found this cool forum with local tips: https://www.visitnorway.com/
Seriously, though, oslo is… something. it’s not what i expected, but maybe that’s the point. maybe the best travel experiences are the ones that completely throw you off course. now, if you’ll excuse me, i’m going to go find a dark corner and contemplate the meaning of pickled herring.
You might also be interested in:
- https://topiclo.com/post/gaziantep-the-city-that-doesnt-do-vintage-vibes-but-has-history-for-days
- https://topiclo.com/post/studying-in-karbal-the-real-deal-on-universities-and-student-life
- https://topiclo.com/post/hempsteads-big-dogs-whos-actually-hiring-and-what-the-streets-are-saying
- https://topiclo.com/post/healthcare-quality-in-honch-top-hospitals-medical-centers
- https://topiclo.com/post/dust-echoes-in-potos