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strasbourg: where the canals smell like burnt toast and nobody asks why you’re here

@David Vance2/11/2026blog

so here i am in strasbourg, which is basically a city that’s equal parts historic and chaotic. let me tell you about my time here, which was exactly 50%pg-13 and 50%wanting-to-scream-into-a-mug-of-coffee. i just checked and it’s...drizzling like a moody teenager right now, hope you’re into that kind of thing. the rain’s messing with my camera but hey at least it’s not snowing. yet.

i rented a bike and got lost immediately. strasbourg is the kind of place where getting lost means you find a crumbling bakery with the best almond croissants or a graffiti-covered alley where some local is sketching a skateboard. this time it led me to a sign on a pole that said ‘café du chané 1895’. i walked in and immediately noticed the aroma of burnt coffee and existential dread. the barista, who looked like they’d rather be hiking the alps, told me the renovation is funded by a ‘very angry tourist who lost his wallet here last year.’ i didn’t ask for details but the vibe was ‘don’t come back.’


i took a photo of a pathway with led signs that only make sense if you speak french. alt="pathway with LED signage during night time". then i saw this escalator in a mall and took a grayscale photo because nothing says ‘ cá diéu’ like bright colors. alt="grayscale photo of a escalator".

someone told me that the local hostel charges extra if you use their laundry room after 10pm. i heard that from a guy in a beer tent who was crying about something involving a spreadsheet. another person claimed the tram network is secretly controlled by a group of retirees who take bribes. i don’t believe that but i did see a retiree waving at me and muttering about ‘the algorithm’ while checking his watch.

weirdly, the neighbors here are into things like einstein. or was that just a bum? i asked a lady sitting on a bench and she said ‘if you get bored, marseille is just a short drive away. don’t take my word for it, check tripadvisor. but be warned: the trams smell like old pizza and regret.’ i looked it up and apparently 78% of reviews mention the bus schedule being a cryptic poem.

i tried to find the infamous ‘strasbourg crypt’ and instead stumbled into a park where everyone was playing badminton. one guy was using a racket made of PVC pipes and another was hitting a cat. it turned out the cat belonged to a guy who runs a yoga studio. he was also a professional espresso drinker. i bought a cup of coffee from him and he gave me a bag of beans that tasted like regret and chocolate.

i’ve been reading about strasbourg’s history and apparently it was once a center for cryptography. i don’t know why that matters but i ‘napped’ in a library trying to connect the dots. the air conditioning in there was so loud it sounded like a chainsaw. but hey, at least the temperature was 9.3 degrees, which is mild enough to pretend you’re not freezing.

i heard that the nearby alsace wine region has a new winery where they serve wine in tiny bottles shaped like mushrooms. i didn’t verify this but the idea of walking into a forest of wine bottles while wearing safety goggles sounds like a good time.

theres an app that helps you find street art and i used it to find a photo of a sign on a pole. it was 20 feet tall and had a message about ‘free t-shirts if you hate capitalism’. i didn’t take it. i’m not that desperate.

the reviews on yelp are all over the place. one says ‘the city is magic’ and another says ‘if you don’t speak french, leave.’ i think both are true. i tried ordering a croissant and the woman behind the counter asked me in french if i wanted it ‘pain au chocolat ou plain au chocolat?’ i said the first one but then realized she was testing me. i walked away with a plain au chocolat and a tiny piece of my dignity.

i’m thinking of leaving tomorrow. maybe. the wifi in my accommodation is 98% humidity and 2% existential crisis. if you’re into that, this is probably the place for you. otherwise, pack your bags and go to budapest. they have better coffee. or don’t. who am i to judge.

links: https://www.tripadvisor.fr/Hotels-g519489-Strasbourg_Hauts-de-France.html / https://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=Strasbourg&find_loc=Strasbourg%2C+France / https://www.reddit.com/r/strasbourg/

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About the author: David Vance

Writing is my way of listening.

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