sun-bleached wifi signals and iced coffees: a digital nomad's rambling ode to athens (or what i thought was athens) this week

number in my apartment, one soggy espresso in my hand, the fan hums like a tired goat in a library. checked the weather: 30.85°C out, feels like my socks are melting. tried to video call my cat. no signal. this is athens, greek miracle, same name as a guy who hated english letters, right? maybe that’s why everything here is vowel-less. anyway.

forget the neon-lit party islands. let’s talk about the neighborhood that feels like a gas station bathroom. the wifi password changes weekly, the neighbor kids scream something like ‘dadik, dadiiiik’ at 2 a.m. someone told me the local barista has a vendetta against croissants. possible. skies like a fried egg. not metaphorically. i saw a pigeon made a nest out of receipts last week.

remember when you clicked on this post because you wanted actual history? here’s a fun fact: the aqueduct near the airport has 27 arches but zero historical context. archaeology under construction. tried to use the public library wifi. the reception guy asked if i wanted a ouzo-flavored latte. no? good.

not much to do here, unless you count inventing games with strangers. tried a board game cafe. the owner said all players either leave in a rage or fall asleep. i cried at chess. maybe it’s the heat. maybe it’s the existential dread that melts in this humidity.

*pro tip: if you see a man in a linen suit watering the cobblestones, follow him. he’s either a retired philosopher or the nicest man who hates tourists. heard rumors he carries a tiny ukulele.

ate at a place called ‘the olive relic.’ ‘overheard gossip’ says the owner’s the cousin of someone who once scammed a cruise ship crew. tasted like regret and oregano. recommended.

wifi speed test result: 1.2 Mbps. streamin’ podcast, strugglin’. discovered a rooftop bar that streams football games and has zero signal. perfect.

neighbors: athens is just a short drive from neapolis or whatever that means. tried trips to these nearby cities. found a guy in a neon tank top yelling into a megaphone about ‘ancient pizza recipes.’ maybe he’s right. your call.

should’ve listened to the lady at the juice bar. she said, ‘don’t trust anyone with a tablet.’ took that advice. went straight to the beach. got sunburned so bad i turned into a walking aloe vera plant.

here’s the map of this dumpster fire: [map iframe]. can you see where my sanity went?

ps:* if you’re into this chaos, follow me on insta. search ‘wifi witch trials.’ link in bio. bio’s a placeholder anyway.

p.p.s. the weather’s still trash. laughed at a local yelling at a sky that was literally crying. they had a bet. didn’t specify what.

p.p.p.s. i lost a sock again. it was black. important detail. now i’m down to 3 pairs. modern miracle.

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