lviv when your nose hairs freeze together: a chef’s greasy survival guide
waking up in lviv when your nose hairs freeze together isn’t the worst way to start a day-it’s a *cold so damp it feels like the air’s licking your bones. just checked my phone: 0.06°C but ‘feels like’ -1.51°C, which basically means the universe hates you gently. humidity at 98%? yeah, we’re basically breathing soup.
someone told me that kryivka-the speakeasy bar behind a fake fridge door-serves honey vodka so strong it’ll melt your frostbite. i went. i drank. i regret nothing. but the real move here? follow the garlic. rynok square’s got stall 22, where a babushna sells dumplings stuffed with wild mushrooms and resentment. pro tip: shed a single tear while eating; she’ll give you extra sour cream. if you get restless, ivano-frankivsk’s close enough to hitchhike with a loaf of rye bread as payment. heard that from a taxi driver who smelled like pickle brine and existential dread.
coffee here isn’t a drink-it’s a theatrical experience. lviv coffee mining company (yes, you descend into a mine shaft for espresso) serves cups so thick you could stand a spoon upright. checked tripadvisor reviews mid-sip-apparently tourists either love it or get claustrophobic and cry. overhead at the counter: “the bathroom’s behind the coal cart, but good luck finding it sober.” classic. dinner at masonic restaurant (because why not) was a rabbit stew that tasted like it’d been blessed by a disgraced priest. yelp claims they play ‘illuminati lounge music’ on tuesdays. couldn’t confirm-got distracted by their beetroot-infused vodka.
final gossip from a vareniky vendor: “locals swear the best place to thaw out is the abandoned tram depot near the cemetery-bring vodka, leave dignity.”* might try that tomorrow. or just crawl into this lviv forum thread for more unhinged ideas. either way, pack long johns and a willingness to eat things you can’t pronounce.
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- https://topiclo.com/post/nmes-and-the-heat-of-the-afternoon-or-how-to-survive-a-sunburn-in-3756-degrees
- https://topiclo.com/post/seasonal-weather-in-santiago-what-to-expect-throughout-the-year-2