almaty: where the mountains might kill you but the views are worth it
alright let’s get this out before i pass out from jetlag. woke up at 4am to what i thought was an earthquake but turns out it was just my neighbor’s surprisingly enthusiastic snoring through these soviet-era walls. welcome to almaty, baby.
shove that map in your face so you understand we’re literally pressed up against mountains that could squash this city like a bug if they felt like it. someone told me that medeu ice rink stays cold because it’s constantly whispering ‘the communists built me in 1972’ into the wind.
yeah, it looks like that, except i almost got frostbite taking that photo. i just checked my phone and it's 3 degrees celsius here right now but feels like 1 because the wind’s got teeth, hope you like that kind of thing. seriously why did i come in march? oh right, because i forgot this place gets snow in MAY. genius move. the wooden zenkov cathedral is cooler in person than on wikipedia-looks like someone’s elaborate dollhouse that survived three earthquakes just to spite god. walkable if you don’t mind breathing air that smells like diesel and apricot blossoms (weird combo).
those trees? they’re probably judging your life choices. if you get bored-which you won’t because you could spend three days just arguing with taxi drivers about fares-shymkent, karagandy, and oskemen are just a short drive away. though ‘short’ here means ‘six hours with a guy named vladimir who chain-smokes and listens to 80s russian synthpop.’ tried asking about local dishes and got handed a bowl of something called beshbarmak which roughly translates to ‘five fingers’ because you’re supposed to eat it with your hands. guess they don’t trust tourists with forks.
big almaty lake looks photoshopped, i swear. turquoise water with snowbanks like some instagram filter gone rogue. nearly twisted my ankle hiking there but whatever, the ‘gram needed content. pro tip: don’t mention astana/nur-sultan to locals unless you wanna hear a 20-minute rant about politicians and concrete. speaking of concrete, half these buildings look like they’d dissolve in rain but apparently they’ve survived mudslides that’d eat your car for breakfast. left my umbrella at home like an idiot. spring here isn’t ‘flowers blooming’-it’s ‘mud warfare.’ saw a babushka wrestle a stray dog for what looked like a meat pastry. cultural experience. three days in and i’ve accepted that my hair will forever smell like coal smoke and regret. would i come back? absolutely. just maybe when it’s above freezing.
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